I am hoping that the couples counselor we see on Thurs, will be good.
W and I are back on friendly speaking terms, so that is good also.
I am hoping through couples counseling, that I can discover the answer to the longing question, do I want to stay together or not. There are a lot of unknowns for me. Some key questions and promises, and some secondary questions which are meaningful also.
I have to ask myself, am I happy. Yes I am, thanks to the good people of DB-com, all the reading and my IC. I think I am doing great and improving each day.
The lines get more blurred when I ask myself, if I am happy in the M now? I don't know the answer to that. I am not fully happy, and not willing to give my heart to W. Will that change in the future? Will I always be unhappy, and will that cause W to stray once again?
I have dreams and aspirations which have never been fulfilled, being on my own will allow me to do that. On the other hand no-one, perhaps to share them with.
I feel though, I have to make a decision at this point in time. A friend pointed out I am still young enough to make this change and start over, in another 10 years forget it. He is right.
I guess I am not afraid of being on my own. I am more afraid of making a decision which I will regret. Something many of you have dealt with or are dealing with, no doubt.
