Then she says "Go ahead and file" and I told her again that I wouldn't. I told her "I'm not giving up... I'm not the one turning this off... you are, so you should file"
She got PO'd and told me to get out that I wasn't being very nice.
Next time just leave out the last part "you are, so you should file".
In telling her that you are not going to be the one to file - try to let it come across more as what you are feeling and how you are emotionally still connected to her and the marriage vs. just standing your ground and making her do it. Let her know that you respect her feelings and will not stand in her way for what she feels she needs to do, but that in your heart, you don't feel that you could live with yourself if you filed. PERIOD.
Hang in there. Your W will try and test your patience to the limit. Whenever they say something that is hurtful, I count up to 10 and carry on the conversation as though nothing has happened.
Damn hard I know, but by not reacting, you are not pushing the buttons that you always used to push (arguing, fighting etc.). Be loving, but not clingy. Act slightly mysterious but don't hide anything from her.
I find that if I act as though there is no-one else, that I can cope and life does not suck big style.
Also, as the other sages have said, voice ALL your frustrations here. This means that any conversations with W are calm and collected.
Finally, DON'T FILE. Tell her 'you have given me a lot to think about and it will take me some time to understand it all' or words to that effect.
No comment on the cats as I am a dog lover - keep them if you can, but if they are affecting the kids, send them packing!
Oh yeah, I forgot about the cats. Keep in mind that I am a bit biased b/c I am a cat/dog/furry animal lover. Have you taken the 1 to the vet to see what is causing & what can be done about the peeing in the house? Why are you giving up the other one?
It sounds like your W is emotionally connected to the cats from what you said about her not being able to be the one to do it -seems to be a trend with her huh?
If it would help your sitch at all and put you in better light with the W - I would try and see if you can make the cat thing work.
Drop the D filing talk, W brings it up, tell her you gonna go out or something and will talk about it later. It will diffuse things better. Go for a ride or better yet go watch a movie until she calms down. Get a gold fish and get rid of the cats.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
OK... I'll try and work with the cats... probably would be better all around.
I told her that I knew she was mad at me and I was sorry, but I couldn't do this in my heart. She responded saying she didn't want to be an ass. I responded saying she wasn't... I knew she was angry, hurt, scared etc. And I said I was too.
She responded saying "Me too, but we need to face facts divorce i love you but want to be happy"
I responded with "I understand that you want out and won't stop you"
She asked me to call her. We talked and basically I said the same things and she said the same things. She did say "don't give up on me"... I was floored!!! I told her I wouldn't and that I was working on things.
The cat thing would be a good 180.. I think anyway. I do like them, I just don't like the one peeing all over the house. Plus it gives me the excuse to work on the carpet!!
She supposedly has some kind of infection that is sensitive to antibiotics of all things. Poor thing... I know she is hurting, but it's disgusting at the same time. She finds anything soft she can (clothes, carpet, etc) and pees on it. She knows she's not supposed to.. I'll watch her got to lay on something and she'll walk away when she sees me.
Have you thought about setting up a litter box with something soft for her to P on that she likes i/o of litter. Then reward her with her favorite treat anytime you see her using it? Maybe find some old towels or clothes or something. And just change it out like you would litter?
Cats are very clean & habitual animals by nature so I would think if you supply someplace for her to go and train her to go there she would learn to do so.
