Chat with OPs spouse?

[lester]

Saffie, hope and running,

Thanks for the perspective. This doesn’t seem like it’s a decision to be made lightly. Here’s what I imagine will happen…

She tells me that she suspected something and he’s been acting a little weird. OM (heard from wife) paints her as not caring that much about the marriage and she’s happy being at home while he does whatever hobby strikes him. I think if she is “mean” it’s probably due to his abuse and neglect. Talking to her could very well end the marriage. My wife and OM are in the military and OM’s wife could very well bring court martial charges to their commander. Wife said if I went to the commander then we would divorce and quite frankly if she wants to divorce me for trying to save my marriage then good riddance. OM's wife's reaction probably scares me more than my wife’s anger but if it goes on too much longer it is going to be hard to look myself in the mirror without her knowing the truth. I mean that is so unfair; I’ve been able to DB and heal somewhat and she’s been getting the shaft.

On the flip side, my wife’s friends tend to be telling her to follow her heart. I’m sorry but that is the biggest bunch of horsecrap. Problem is society buys it. If you follow emotions you will make the worse decisions not the best. I don’t know I just wish I could talk to her friends for a second and wack em with a 2x4. “In love” is a feeling like anger, sadness or gas – it’s not what you seek for long term relationships… it’s just not because then as feelings change AND THEY DO you’ll be in the same boat back in stupid land cheating on your 2nd husband  Sorry for the rant but her stupid friends make things worse and I for one can’t imagine encouraging someone to cheat. If I were in their spot I’d call ‘em a duck and get out the rifle and I have called cheaters out on the carpet before. Love is a choice, Marriage is decision/commitment.

I think I would say something along the lines of “Hi, you don’t know me and no I’m not selling vacuums but I have something important to discuss with you regarding your husband. I don’t know how aware you are of the situation but our spouses have not been doing the right thing lately and I was hoping we could work together to straighten out this mess.”

sorry for the rambling rant