Hi Lissie - no don't call, its like when I looked at the BB it actually made me worse and drive me away from the DB principles. As you said, I really don't know whats going on - one of the texts had the tile "Our move/truck" - now that could be his move totally independent of the sitch we are in or it could be something more sinister ..... you see my fear/threat/anger/hopelessness all building and despite keep telling me she is being honest, I am really questining that, and accordingly struggling to stay the course.
You know the funny thing is that if she told me now, I would still fight for us, I would tell her I would forgive her, etc. But as each day passes with me, where we just seem to be treading water with nothing going on, my desire to remain with her, stay friends with her, wanes a little further - thats the tragedy, that in these sports of cases the majority end in D but they could all be so much easier if people were just honest.
I dont know - this morning more confused than ever, we did swap some harmless texts during the evening last nite, she finished by wishing me 'sweet dreams' - am I just being reactive or is that a warped thing to wish someone you have just left?????
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
That is kind of warped but is it really that unexpected? If there's one thing I've found to be true through all of this it's that my W does not say things that I would expect a normal, emotionally healthy person to say given the situation. But, that almost makes me feel a little better cause it means something is churning around inside her head, even if she doesn't talk about it.
Mkultra: that's a good insight into men and DBing. That could very well be true. I have a hell of a time just letting things go because I need to see movement, one way or another implying it's either getting fixed or it's getting fully broke.
Question: I posted this on my thread but had no hits. How do you recover from a mistake? I talked to W yesterday and know I came across as needy which I've been trying like hell to avoid. So how do you recover and gain that ground back? I don't want to think I just flushed two weeks down the toilet. Thanks.
It is so tough for me not to call that number. I really am dying to know why he lied to me. I have never caught him in a lie before so this is really getting to me. Our R has always been based upon trust and I totally trust him that he is not with OW at this time but that lie is just eating away at me.
He says there is no OW and that is the last thing he needs and I sincerely believed him until that lie last night. I am so confused as to what to do and I am sure I will call that number because I do not think I can let it go.
BryanS - I think that you can get it back. Just continue to DB and do not mention it and try not to act that way again. We all slip but we just need to get right back at it again and chances are it did not hurt the ground you had made that much.
Lissie--Get rid of the number!!! Call a friend and have them come over to erase it from your caller ID so you dont have to look at it again. If you already memorized it, have them repeat random numbers to you for a couple of minutes until it's scrambled in your head. Just get it away from you. I made the needy mistake, please don't make it too.
I do have it memorized. I can not help it. If I call and do not talk but just find out who it is is that really needy. It is killing me not knowing but I feel like all of the trust I have had in him is gone due to this one lie. I just want to see if this person got a new cell phone so I can continue to trust him because if not then I am not sure how I am going to get through all of this.
Lissie, her is what you have to decide. Do you want to be with your husband or do you want it to be over? If you want to be with him then forget about that number, push it out of your head, LET IT GO! If you want it to be over, then by all means pursue finding about that number. What ever it is that you discover, be it nothing or be it something, will in no way bring the two of you closer together.
Most of us have snooped or came across something that we immediately assumed the worst about. And I will bet to say that 99% of us wish that we would have never snooped or went with our gut to find out more or confront our spouse's. Because, nothing good came from it.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Hi Nugget I understand what you are saying but if I discover that he has cheated on me or that there is another woman then I do not want to be with him. That is the one thing that I would never be able to forgive at least that is how I feel now. I feel that there needs to be trust in a relationship and until he lied to me about this number I had complete trust in him and that is wavering now.
I just need to know if that number is a new number for his friend nor if it is something else. Trust to me is very important and it is not something I can let go. Does that make sense?
Does anyone have any suggestions on helping me handle this?
Lissie, I do understand. You are caught in a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. I guess it really all just comes down to how you handle finding out who the number belongs to. Have someone you know call the number for you or you can go online and pay for a reverse look up on a number and it will give you the name and address of who the number belongs to. The key, for now, is to keep it a covert operation, just in case it is not anything. No reason to do something to loose more of your H's trust.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Thanx Nugget I did go online and paid to find out who the number belonged too but it told me that it was a cell phone and that is all. How do you find out who owns a cell phone. Is there a service I do not know of that I can try. I am keeping it covert so that I do not lose my H's trust but I do need to know.
