I am so glad you posted, we were all thinking of you recently, and it seems that Angelica started the thread for our collective thoughts right around the D day. Funny that we have never met each other around here, but our cyber thoughts and love are very potent and in-tune.
Such an odd time for you, I imagine. I am headed down the same path, quite soon, I hope. It's sad that our M's have ended, and in such a horrible way. I really could have done without the trauma of the last 2 years. But, because of that trauma, I know the day will be filled with an immense relief and a sense of freedom.
Val, I have always admired your sense of strength, your grace and compassion. You have had a deep sense of patience and love for your H. You have always remembered the good man your H once was. You kept your family, grandchildren and mother in your good care and pushed through the nonsense in your style of dignity and goodness.
And, I will always be thankful for your wise words and comfort when my own sitch got crazier and crazier....I know that we both had similar cases that way. I too am thinking, with the opinions and information from others, that my H's case is way more than MLC and actually mental illness triggered by life events/emotional issues. And, it makes me wonder if they will ever be the men they were. I really don't think so, not without a lot of help and insight. It's sad, but truly not our lives anymore.
I know a part of you will feel a twinge of sadness as you leave H behind in his pit, and if you see him go lower and lower. But, realize that trying to help was tying your life to a sinking vessel.
You tried your best. This is not something we anticipated. Sure, we may be able to look back and see "traces" of some pathology now, but how could we have known?
What matters now is that your whole life is ahead of you, unattached and unleashed from this pain and black hole. It took me so long, nearly 2 years to finally get my vision back for my future. I finally got the excitement and clarity into my own life and future dreams. It feels great, and I know you will have that too.
So, please stick around and let us know how you are. What your plans are. What's next for Val? You are an inspiration to us all....that life may not be what you planned, but it will be what you make of it.
