Yes. The cat only because she wants to, the horse because it thinks it is its duty. The horse isn't maternal, mind you. It doesn't respond to a "need", it responds to abstract concepts as in "it is quite reasonable to have sex x-times per week". Its also an exquisitely polite animal, and you'd have a hard time telling it apart from the cat in a lazy mood. Nor is it resentful. It doesn't analyze much.
Men enjoy the cat, but relate better to the horse. The horse is what keeps the house clean and the kids dressed and dinner on the table, and whatever else it needs to do. Its a fairly masculine animal, come to think of it. It pulls its load because it's there. It doens't need to emotionally connect to the load, or ask what it "means" to pull it, or whether the load appreciates being pulled, or obssess in any way about anything other than that its theirs and they are going to move it. A lot of men operate like that. In my experience.
The cat is feminine, feral, and prefers to stare hypnotically into space 23 hours/die, right up to that one perfect jump that takes down the mouse. *g* She likes sparkly, beautiful things and things that dangle so she can swat at them. She functions both as monkey and as tigress in your zoo, but is less openly aggressive and less innocently playful. She knows just how to drape herself over a couch for maximum effect, and will purr if petted, if in the right mood. She also might scratch. She's mainly ornamental outside of the sexual arena, but emits such an air of contentment simply "being" that people are willing to keep her around anyways. LOL.
Out of necessity, the horse gets most of the quotidian and the cat the bedroom, although she sometimes pouts that she's not let out more often. In a strange way she's probably my higher-functioning self. *muses*
I wish I had a horse but I'm too easily distracted. I would wander absent-mindedly off the road and the whole cart would be upset in the ditch. The cat sounds quite attractive but I never hiss and I love the water so I don't have one of those. So now I'm kind of picturing you as kind of an elegant cowgirl or maybe Lady Godiva.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well, NG is back. Which brings up an interesting boundary forming/enforcing exercise for me. One thing you guys might not know about me is that I never take "bootie calls." (Okay, once I did give in but that was only because he knew me well enough to go for the cow and he started rubbing his head against my breasts. NG is working on the monkey by making creative use of the word "dalliance" in his e-mail.) Guess how many of the boys/men with whom I have ever been in anything faintly resembling a relationship have approached me for sex after the relationship was over as far as I was concerned? As near as I can recollect- all of them. Now, I generally have a good attitude about men but this is one behavior which really lowers my respect for the male of the species. However, I am working on sexual empathy so if any of the men on the BB could offer some insight that would be great. Now, I should note that probably the main reason I don't take "bootie call" is that I know that the sex will s*ck for me because it will be lacking both emotional connection and excitement. Anyway, I'm trying to figure out where my true boundary lies since because it's kind of murky. For instance, there have been occasions when a relationship ended badly that my reaction to receiving "bootie call" has been a wee bit over-the-top fused. However, now that I am so wonderfully differentiated (ha-ha-ha), I was actually feeling very positive about NG and our interactions although they were over. Like a summer romance on a trip to Italy or something like that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
The guy I was dating while S once told me "I can't do Friends With Benefits." And I think his reasoning was probably the same as yours -felt too much like a bootie call. Any person with some self-respect is not going to allow themselves to be Used just for the sex. Yuck. So I agree with Corri, just tell him you don't do that and he can either move on or ask for something more serious if he is so inclined. Not that you want that right now, but at least you will have been clear.
I don't do dalliances because those kind of sexual encounters suck for me.
Mojo
And if he is a smart man... he'll ask you what kind of sexual encounters you DO like.
Here's the thing. I don't have some sort of straight-forward moral prohibition against "bootie call". As I said, I generally turn it down because I am either still p*ssed or hurt about how the relationship ended or I feel no emotional connection or possibility for emotional connection towards the boy/man and I'm kind of BTDT about the possibility for an exciting "just sex" encounter. Therefore, the reason I "gave in" to the guy who rubbed his head against my breasts was I was no longer upset about our break-up because it had been a while and by playing me cow he inspired a bit of emotional connection along the lines of "once more for old times sake" and the sex ended up being friendly, warm and fun. There are several reasons why I might break my pseudo-boundary with NG.
1) I was the one who manifested rather "bad" behavior in our proto-relationship because I used him for sexual validation and ego gratification. For the most part, he behaved like a gentleman and I behaved like a bunkey. I actually respected him for dumping me.
2) By using the word dalliance (definition: amorous play) creatively, he is adding excitement for my monkey and therefore is causing me to want to maybe "use" him for sex again if he's willing to make the jungle gym available. obviously, he would be using me too but who cares if only the monkeys show up for the party.
Otherwise, I either need to politely turn him away or signal that I want more emotional connection in order to continue having sex with him. Which means that I would have to proceed in swan mode and ask myself some questions like "Am I ready to be in an exclusive relationship?" and "Do I admire and respect this man?" etc. etc. etc. So I guess my real rule is "I may have casual sex with men with whom I once was in relationship if I still feel respect and/or affection and attraction towards them enough to make the interaction enjoyable for me." However, if you cheated on my *ss don't be calling me drunk at 2:00 in the morning unless you enjoy having a phone slammed in your ear and if you were mean and withholding about sex for the 19 freakin' years I was married to you don't call me up after we're separated and tell me I looked hot when you saw me in the grocery store unless you enjoy hearing weary cynical laughter on the other end of the line.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
As long as there is no dam 'cow' in the mix... I know you will figure this out... and the reason I think you are even mulling this out is because you are being NOT a cow... rather than just BEING a swan.
