"we're trying to figure out if she's really being affected by this alot"
Complete no brainer. Yes, she is being affected alot. She is very hurt, very deeply. No puzzle there.
"I did thank her for asking me to sleep there with her. Told her I know that was hard for her and I appreciated the trust. Told her how I had felt and she acted surprised that I would feel that way about sleeping next to her, but understood, I think."
Cut out everything but the last bit -- fine, report your feelings.
But, to thank her for the invite is going too far. Imagine a woman *thanking you* for letting her sleep in your bed. And it is probably not very often a good idea to tell someone else you know things that are going on inside their head...a bit arrogant...
Don't ask W out until you can ask her without worrying if it is OK to ask her. Ugghhh.
