HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND

[Lissie]

Goal, thank goodness for some peace time.

You and your babies are in my prayers.

[Grace_O]

Glad to hear things are quiet for now.

If he doesn't care if he looses everything...he should just sign it all over to you now and stop his squaking.

[goal]

I forgot to post this yesterday.

I met this woman at work who had a friend who went through her H's mid-life crisis.

He did everything by the book, i.e. had the affair, bought the sports car, treated her like crap, blamed everything on her, told to go for liposuction, told her she was unattractive to him and not her soul-mate anymore, blah blah blah blah.....

After about 2 years of this stuff she filed for divorce and went dark completely. After about 6 months he came back with his tail between his legs and begged for her to take him back.

She started very slow with him and agreed to see him for (3) hours once a week.

After about 6 months she agreed to see him every weekend.

After another 6 months she agreed to see him every weekend and one day during the week.

After another 3 months she agreed to see him every weekend and two days during the week.


You get the picture.

Today they are in Hawaii on their second honeymoon. They got remarried and are staying there for 2 months. She also did not sleep with him until this honeymoon.

He is totally in love with her again and she made him earn his way back.

I love this story...

[goal]

I need some advice....

As some of you know, I have been dark since May 8th.

H tried to call me today. H tried to text me today. He left a message asking if the baby was going to come over to his house tonight because he had heard she had been sick. He could of just asked my two older kids this when he had talked to them earlier.

I did not respond.

My plan is to only deal with him if he shows some signs of remorse, regret, etc...

My plan is to only deal with him if he shows signs of getting help and wants to talk about it.

Is this too unrealisitic????
I guess it is just too painful for me to talk with him unless he wants to reconcile and dump OW.

[Lissie]

You are detaching for you. And I have to tell you

you are friggin awesome at it.

Detaching queen(insert dancing queen music)


Goal, you do what makes YOU feel comfortable, and what brings you peace.

You are not detaching for a reaction from your H?

I think when it comes to the well-being of the kids , it would be ok to talk to him

maybe the older kids, don't want to be messengers, sometimes.

Do what makes you feel comfortable

[forward]

I agree that you should talk w/him concerning the kids. Do it for the kids--they need that relationship.

But don't be cold. It's hard not to. But be cheerful but vague.

[inmyplace]

goal,

While I understand how you feel, it is still his daughter. So you still have to take care of business. It would be unfair to get your other children in the middle. Use the text message if it is too difficult to speak with him.

IMP

[kissak]

I agree with IMP, using the text message is always best for me and my H. You wouldn't actually be talking to him. Or you can always email.

[I_Still_Love_Him]

Goal,

I have to agree with the others.

When it comes to the kids, you should deal with him directly.

Don't get the kids caught in the middle, they will grow to resent you because you won't communicate directly with him.

If you can't talk to him, then text him but do communicate with him w/o getting the kids involved.

You don't need to be cold to go dark.

[goal]

Journaling:

Kids talked to me today about what H is saying/asking.

He is asking the kids if I am dating, how I plan to afford to stay in the house. He told my son that I need to stop talking about him to people, especially my parents because what are they going to think of him???? He also said what is going to happen if they die suddenly and they think bad of him?

Maybe some introspection happening here.

My daughter also handed me an insurance form from H. H told her that mom needs to keep this in her car in case anything happens to her.