This woman is driving me crazy... she was supposed to watch the game with me tonight after school. She wouldn't get home until 10-10:30. Well, she just calls me and acts like nothing happened. She sounds sweet and says some of her college friends are going to watch the game.. I responded by saying "Well, I'll see you tomorrow" to which she got offended.. (I'm PO'd)She then said well the game is on at 7 (I honestly thought it was 9) and she wouldn't stay for the whole game. She was wondering what time the game would be over. She told me not to go to bed until after she got home.
Why is she driving me nuts?
Also... the Last Resort.. I got the Divorce Remedy.. did I get the wrong book?
Why does she want u to stay up? Whatever she says to u just liste and keep your mouth shut and ears open. Use 48 hour rule on responding to anything negative if it all possible, in other words, think it over and ask yourself if what u are about to say will help the sitch at all or are u just being selfish of your needs which have to be put on the backburner for now. All advice we have give each other.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
So last night was weird. She got home and we chatted.. about the Bengals game and I asked her about school... (Conversation.. one of my lacking areas). That went fine for a while, then she went at the "Who is going to file" thing again. I stood my ground.
Up until this morning, she had come in to let me know she was going downstairs for work. She didn't do that this morning. She may have realized that I had an alarm, but it still kind of stung.
I also heard her SMS go off on her phone.. I know she has told OM that he can text her from 6-3.. well it was 6:03.
She left me a note saying the house looked nice (Another area) and she asked if I could find a shelter for the cats. We had talked about that and I had agreed... I know that will be too difficult for her.
Stay the course with the filing. Read the books and get started. Like others have said there are signs she is not ready to abandon the M. Yes, she is angry hurt and very very confused. Thats one of the hallmarks of a WAW. Trust me I know cause I am one of them. Its not an easy road but if you are willing you have a good chance of getting this back on track. Wish my H would wake up and smell the coffee. I even bought the book and read it myself but its aimed more for LBS than WAS. My H refused to read the book (or any others)but I am still open to working on the M. No matter how angry I am or confused I know that D is not what I want in the end.
Give it time, give her space. See how it all washes out.
As for the cats, are you opposed to keeping them while all of this is going on/being sorted out? If she really holds them dear this could be an act of kindness that she would look fondly on. Just an idea.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I appreciate the encouragement.. I feel in my heart she's still there, but I understand she doesn't trust me. Time will tell.
As for the cats, the one cat has developed a problem where she pees in the house. We have her locked in the basement and as such so is the other cat. I hate to admit it, but I told her that I didn't want to keep the cats. We were debating on what to do with the one that pees anyway and our carpet upstairs needs to be replaced as it is.
Now we found out yesterday our youngest D has an MRSA Staff infection.. could be from the animals. So this boosted her request to have something done with them.
These were my first cats and it wasn't a good experience.
The idea is you want to do exactly the opposite of what she expects. Stop fighting her. Give her space. The more you try to convince her that you love her, she's making a mistake and you want her to stay, the more she'll resist and insist that she's making the right decision. You'll drive her further away. You want to do what will bring her back. Try using this rule of thumb..."is what i am about to do right now going to make me more attractive to her or push her away?" I had a DB coach session and this is what she told me.
Try taking a step back and get some perspective. I know it feels desperate right now, but she is still engaged with you. You need to give her space if she is going to come around. Unfortunately that takes time.
Absolutely... you guys are keeping me sane right now... that and my kids!!!
So.. as I mentioned, my W works at the daycare our kids attend, so I see her everyday. I get the girls up every morning, dress, feed and prepare them for school and drop them off.
I told her she looked nice and she said thanks and we chatted about the kids for a few minutes. I noticed a sticky on her board that was for me asking for stuff (Bills, Insurance #'s, Cobra) and I asked if that was for me... she said yes. I asked who was asking for the info and she said her and her atty.
Then she asked if I had to travel today (I'm a Sales Engineer) and I said yes. She said she needed her hearing aid fixed and asked if I would get it fixed for her. I said I could't that I would be out of town (back by dinner)and I was sorry. I said I also have some other things to attend to... she immediately spun on that... "what other things".. "Personal things.." "See... you are not open with me.. I tell you everything.." So I told her I needed to schedule some appointments for this and that.
Then she says "Go ahead and file" and I told her again that I wouldn't. I told her "I'm not giving up... I'm not the one turning this off... you are, so you should file"
She got PO'd and told me to get out that I wasn't being very nice.
