I haven't posted in a long time. I see a lot of new people on the board. I came back to wrap up my story.
My ride was loopy. My H was an extreme MLCer (possible other mental issues as well). My ride on the roller coaster was 2 years and 2 months. I was divorced yesterday.
My H didn't really follow the steps described by Hearts Blessing. I tried to make my sitch fit the steps, but I was trying to push round pegs into square holes. In my "loopy" sitch, it actually made the situation worse. My H didn't respond well to forgiveness and patience (but, as I said, he was the exception, not the MLC rule).
I filed for D in September 2006. We had 5 continuances. I thought H was hitting bottom in January 2007 but he bounced back into replay with a vengeance. His anger and rage returned, and he hit a new low in showing disrespect for me. I think part of it was because he thought I was dragging the divorce out (I wasn't, it was the lawyers).
Finally I quit being nice to him. I quit answering his calls.
In my divorce suit, H was charged with Adultery, and my laywer went after him hard financially. We also had the OW subpoenaed to appear as a witness.
I came face to face with H for the first time in 12 months yesterday in court. He had aged 10 years. He had gained at least 20 pounds and his face was puffy, with lots of new worry lines. He looked at me once when I walked in, then never looked at me again (In court, he kept his head down). The OW was there but looked scared to death.
Even though we reached am 11th hour settlement in court, we had to go through the preliminiaries of finalizing the divorce. My son was called as a witness for me, but he happens to have the same first name as the OW. She thought she was being called to the stand and went white as a sheet. I suppose I have some perverse need for revenge because the look of sheer terror on her face was priceless.
Then it was over and my lawyer and I returned to his office to discuss the details. Once we got there, he told me that he was expecting the OW to be some really hot babe, but said he was totally "underwhelmed" when he saw her. He predicted that H would be crawling back very soon but he hoped I wouldn't take him back (Nope).
I hadn't been home from court very long when H called. He was still being a real jerk. He said he was finally happy, and the price he had to pay was worth it to be rid of me. I let loose with 2+ years of bottled up rage and slammed the phone down. I don't know why he even called, there was no purpose since we were now divorced.
At 8:30 last night, my son telephoned and said that H had just called him (first time in a year). My son said H was crying and having an emotional meltdown. H told son that I was a fine woman and that he loved the grandkids. My son reminded H that he used to be a good man and an ideal role model, but considering his actions of the past two years, he couldn't let the kids be exposed to that type of behavior.
My son said that H definitely wasn't out celebrating his freedom with the OW last night.
He's one unhappy man, finally facing his demons. It's a shame that it took two years of Hell and a divorce to bring him to this realization.
I don't think I've heard the last of H. My SIL says that I will probably hear more from him now than I did in the past. She said in spite of everything he didn't want the divorce.
I don't know how I feel. I'm sad that my M is over. I'm relieved that the D is over. I wish that H hadn't been so extreme because way too much damage was inflicted on too many innocent people. My grandkids were badly hurt and that's something I can't forgive.
I originally wanted my story to end with H crawling back and begging forgiveness. It didn't happen. I'll be okay, but I don't think H will be. I also think that his affair with the OW took a serious blow yesterday, but that's not my concern anymore.
I met some incredible people on this board over the past two years. Your advice and suppport carried me through when I was so low that I didn't want to go on. I'm much stronger today than I was two years ago. Ironically, I think the strength that H sees in me now was what he wanted to see all along.
