OK, lwb is not the only one who thinks that you have crawled inside of our heads! My H seems even farther away than yours...he won't even touch me, actually recoils the few times I have touched his arm. It has steadily (and rapidly) declined since Feb.
But we do have to focus on the blessings we do have, don't we? You are right in both of your reflections about tomorrow and the trials we see in humanity around us. It seems that our whole mess is a huge lesson on different perspectives, and what we have control over in life.
You do have control over your environment--and the house decorating sounds great!
I am right here with you, ladies, on all accounts. Isn't it amazing how all these things co-exist within us at any given moment? How we can flip from one to the other so quickly? If we could just hold steady to this feeling of well being and thankfulness. If we could just be that lighthouse without faltering, it wouldn't matter what we were going through. Life would just be. We'd take the good with joy and let the bad go without fear of reliving it.
There is this movie What the Bleep do we Know. It discusses quantum physics and the nuerochemistry of our brain and body cells. Two main things come to mind.
1. When we experience something, the nuerons in our brains take a distinct trail creating memory and the chemical reactions/emotions associated with it. Within this trail are all the minute details of the situation. Any reminder of any detail along this trail will take us right there, right back to the original experience. Here's the kicker. The body does not know the difference between the experience of the original situatin and the experience of memory. Every time we replay in our mind or similar situation, our bodies literally re-live it as if it was happening again. To further complicate, each time the trail becomes strengthened and reinforced, the pattern that goes with it becomes harder and harder to change. Hence, we react the same way to a word or look or environment without even thinking; we get into patterns with our relationships. The DB principle of doing something different is, in effect, breaking this neurochemical chain and allowing for re-structuring. It takes a conscious effort, but can be done. The other techniques like thought stopping and acting "as if" also go along this idea. There are many things we cannot control, but we can control what we choose to focus on. 2. There is an experiment that is sited in the movie by, I believe, a Japanese man. I'm sorry I can't remember the details, but this is the gist. He takes bottles of water. On each bottle he writes a different word like "hate" "love" "forgiveness" etc. He then examines the molecules, after some time has passed. The energy of these words literally alters the structure of the H2O molecule! Now, take into account that we are mostly water! This demonstrates ideas like the mind body connection, mass consciousness, and self-fullfilling prophesies! By focusing on the positive, we set our intention to the positive. By doing this, we set ourselves up for success. We thereby open ourselves to other possibilities of what success is because we realize we will be content and can choose joy regardless of our circumstances. This supports the DB principle that these techniques are really for us. It may not lead to reconciliation with our spouses, but it will lead to us being whole.
Can we move on with our spouses after being rejected and cheapened? If they come back, it is because they realize that we are not second. Hopefully it is a lesson thoroughly learned. If this happens, then it is up to us to decide if we are willing to forgive. I think we already know where we stand on this, or we wouldn't be here.
Stay positive everyone. Keep finding beauty in your lives. We are amazing women who deserve the very best spouses. We married our spouses b/c we believed them to be these men. We can choose to support the men we love without supporting the behavior they are displaying. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Stay strong. Stay in love.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I'm going to use you as inspiration and work on my home too!
What do ya think I have been doing all day! I felt like crap about my house so I did what Morgan did and said HELLO to autumn. Thanks for the inspiration. I will check out that website about FlyGirlz or something? What was it? Anyways I have a clutter disease form my Grandmother. Nothing gross! I just hang on to old magazines and t shirts and baby clothes. They are so cute and little and I want anoher baby but that is impossible since I am not getting l@!d!! So I will clean out the attic as I am celibate.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I found out he had also sent her roses from the same florist, I took all 3 vases and threw them in the garbage...never wanted to see them again. and now I regret it...I have nothing that will fit the pb stems. arrggggghhh. yeah, I know I can go buy a new vase, but they were so pretty in that one. blech.
I cannot begin to say how tacky that is. My word, do all of these MLCers have their sensitivity chip removed!?! They do not realize the intimacy of some of these actions. It is not all about sex and phone conversations. Really. Ugh. That makes me livid. Sorry, I don't know why that is making me so mad. It is like we have these damned reminders behind every corner, even in our cabinetry. What a mess these people leave behind as they go into some crazed Fun House Ride into Lala Land Twilight Zone where nothing is happy or real.
Last edited by mkultra; 09/11/0707:02 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
hey ladies, thanks for reading and for the support. and neph, yep, the part about
Quote:
This supports the DB principle that these techniques are really for us. It may not lead to reconciliation with our spouses, but it will lead to us being whole.
is dead on. its why I chose the book, because it just seemed like a win-win to me.
and lol, guess I inspired some kind of fall decorating movement.
mk, I tend to hang onto old stuff, too. when I was in de-clutter mode a few months ago I finally threw out most of my old magazines, something that has bugged h for ages (even though they were neatly stored). he was bull-s about me throwing them out now, actually.
so why, you ask, is morgan up at 3? because D3 had to pee at 1:30 and has yet to go back to sleep. omg, I am so freaking tired. hopefully this is the last time she'll be up tonight, but I can't go to sleep until she's been quiet for a bit...every time I've drifted off she's called for me again. ugh. she is going to be crabby for her first day of preschool, and I'm going to be crabby dealing with H by the time he comes over tonight (to see the kids). hopefully I won't get bitchy/sarcastic, 'cause I don't think that will help anything.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Hey Morgan, I know I use movie plot lines too much, but I am a film major now. In the British movie Love , Actually, the grieving step father tries to console his melancholy stepson who has recently lost his mother to cancer. The father has no idea how to shake him from his grief. But it is not about the cancer or the funeral at all. The boy is in love, unrequitted love, plus the love interest is moving. The father is so relieved that it is love causing his depression. And the boy asks, "What could be more painful than the utter agony of being in love?"
So, yeah, we should not feel guilty about being in agony. Death is swifter to get over. (Death of a child, no.) But love sucks.
Our kids are healthy so the rest is just cake. If we fall back in love, bonus. We cannot trade anything for having healthy kids.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
have you ever watched the extended scene between liam neeson and his step son? it is fantastic...so much that was cut out that was really, really good stuff.
I think about colin firth's role a lot. well, I like colin firth, so hard not to think about whatever role he is in, lol. but his story was about his unfaithful g-f (wife?) and he went off to france I think to write. I want to enjoy the fact that he found love again, but I don't...I think he rushed into something, was so eager to love someone again and be loved by someone again that he convinces himself he is, even if he hardly knows the girl. Its a mistake I hope and plan to avoid. but its something that I can understand...wanting love again so much.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Um yeah it is late! Dream about a Hawaiian cruise drinking Mai Tais and, better yet, it is a gay cruise so there are no straight dudes to ruin it!
but I like straight dudes. hey, if I'm going to dream, I'm going to dream, lol. that cruise is full of straight dudes who think I'm funny, cute, sexy...they appreciate even the stupid things about me.
we can all dream, right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Yeah, I like yours better too! I saw the cutest guy in the Apple Store. I never see cute guys because I am always in Mommy Gear and I wear My Eyes Are Only for Husband glasses constantly. I cannot even make eye contact right with other men. But this guy, I could see myself with this guy. One can dream. Is that cheating? Do I hav eto wait for a divorce to look? Sigh, dreamy Apple Man.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
