The talk on HDs thread got me thinking about fusion and differentiation. I've got a bunch of ideas bumping around in my head and thought I would dump them out here rather than lock up HDs thread. Please feel free to comment or even better add some your own thoughts.

There seems to be a general feeling of differentiation as being the opposite fusion I'm not sure that this is exactly true. In my mind " fusion " is being stuck at a particular stage of development. Previous to a child individuating from it's mother their state is not on of fusion it's something else I'll call it Immersion.

This Immersion is a natural stage in a relationship an inability to transcend this stage would be fusion. There is nothing wrong with Immersion its just a stage.

I think much in the same way when we first couple we can enter a state that some people call limerence. This would be an adult Immersion in another. This is probably just a stage of development of that relationship and only turns into fusion when the individualization of the two individuals doesn't take place.

This may also take place in parent & child relationships and can see it only as far as from the POV of a child of my parents. I have no children as of yet.

I believe that fusion is disfunction in the relm of Immersion or in the communion of a relationship. Of being stuck at that stage of development not that that stage is unhealthy.

I know that individualization can unhealthy manifestations as well but am unsure of what to label them but I think that alienation would come first. A difficulty in connecting with others or other. I need to think about this a bit more in particular as I think this is where I have the most personal work to do.

I think that there are three stages (at least) Immersion, individualization and something else that I don't have a name for but is much like how I want to see differentiation and how I had interpreted it in my mind.

This third stage is not solely emerson and individualization but includes them both in healthy ways. This would enabling one to access to both. One could experiences the emerson into communion and the (awareness or consciousness?) of being an individual in healthy ways.

Imagine two small circles labeled "emerson / communion" and another labeled "individualization / agency" surrounded by a larger circle. This would be how I would make a visual representation of it.

A development would travel from emerson, individualization to this third stage along the way there will be problems and points where one will get stuck. I don't think you can skip from Emerson to this third stage without going through individualization.

This third stage very well may be differentiation I'm not really sure. The more I try to pin it down in my mind it seems as though there needs to be a some kind of differentiation within differentiation as to where individualization fits in. I probably should reread Passionate Marriage as I'm sure it's in there.

My main thought is maybe it's the individualization that feels cold as the positive aspects of emerson have not been integrated yet.