muddled and angry: Puddle's sencond thread

[Heimlich]

Puddle,

You sound a lot happier -- all things considered. Nice email to the COW (and there's a great acronym).

but now he seems to be coming around but _still_ being totally done.

I'm living this. On the one hand, it's terrifying. On the other, a little liberating. I'm living for me and trying to figure out who I am. Keep thinking I'm really not much different from the person my W fell in love with, just lost a few of my more endearing habits and picked up/reinforced some less than desirable traits.

I heard from my W that I just don't like you. Hurts. Your H is probably thinking it on some level. Part of that's wrapped up in the belief that you can't change. Even having heard that, and it hurt, it didn't crush me. Primarily, once I worked through the pain, she was right in some ways in that I hadn't been a good partner for her. Of course, the reverse is true and she's starting to acknowledge that, but what I'm rambling on about here is that even if your H ever says "I just don't like you," it doesn't have to be permanent.

You DB coach said it's OK to be vulnerable? She give you any tips for that without getting into a deep R talk? I know I stopped letting my W in (and she's shut me out too, which came first, the chicken or the egg?). How do you show emotion/vulnerability without talking too damn much?

BD