Cobra, sometimes I understand you very well, and sometimes I think our communications styles are at cross purposes. S'ok. Makes me articulate better and practice not jumping to conclusions.
What I meant about professional Victims skeeving me out was specifically referring to the people you mentioned who say "I am damaged beyond repair; deal with it." And who spend all their time worshipping at the altar of their own pain to the exclusion of anyone else's.
And what I meant with the beating metaphor was simply about the personalization aspect. I just don't think it's realistic to expect that being repeatedly ranted at, threatened, whatever will have no negative effect on the person on the receiving end .... even if they *do* realize it's "not about them". To the extent that they're the ones wiping the venomous spittle off their face, it *is* about them. It would be wonderful if one could develop an impervious spit-shield of compassion ... but I don't think that's reachable for most of us. Or maybe just me.
Compassion and differentiation ... that's a tricky one. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole diffy thing. Gut response: Compassion with differentiation means you want to ease the pain of the person you love, for *their* sake and happiness. Compassion with fusion means you desperately *need* to ease the pain of the person you love so *you* don't have to feel it.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
