I can see how a mother has lots of compassion for the kids or the H, feels their pain, etc, but due to poor boundaries losses herself in the process and then becomes reactive becasue she cannot stop the pain, or stop the kids or H from doing something to incur more pain. A differentiated mother could (or could not) feel the same pain but would also maintain herself from getting emotionally "sucked in" through better boundaries.
So I see compassion and empathy as possibly, but not necessarily, including fusion. Differentiation excludes fusion by definition. In my mind (and this is just me) I also feel like RJ does about differentiation in that it can feel a little "cold." Maybe others can differentiate better than I, but I see a need for a certain level of emotional detachment (and hence the coldness) in order to (theoretically) differentiate, that is, if I could differentiate.
