Quote: But for a R for the rest of the lives without ups and downs?
no r is perfect this I know...I expect there to be ups and downs...I expect there to be good days and bad...I after all wasn't happy with the way our r was going but I didn't leave did I? I didn't seek out another did I? I didn't walk away did I? no because I know that with a little understanding and effort peace within a r can be found..I know that it is not all about me nor is it all about him...h is the one who apparently expects perfection or actually doesn't know what he expects.
yes h did finally say " look LL, I'm committed to trying to make this work" just wish he could have chosen a different tone to use...I didn't expect a song and dance routine..but perhaps something a tad warmer...not like ok I'll go to the dentist...
so last night I did go back and sit on the couch...it was ok...I think we were both a tad uncomfortable.
went up to sleep and cuddled it was nice..but when I woke this am h was way over on his side...this always bothers me and I suppose it shouldn't ...maybe his back just hurt or whatever...maybe it had nothing to do with me or "us"
this am was a tad..shaky...son woke and was whiney calling for daddy...when I got up to go be with him...he cried more..wanting daddy...this frustrated daddy..but he did get up...h was loving as usual to the kiddos...throwing out the ily's and the kisses and hugs or simply messing up dd's hair. but distant from me.
eventually I said...I don't know what I should do about today...h said well it's not gonna be as cold so maybe you can go outside...I said no I have my appointment today...h aksed what time..and if my mother would be watching the kids...took h a few to realize what appointment I was refering to.
h said well you can go and get whatever info you need..I said well it just seems that if you are commited to trying to make this work..my seeing a lawyer at this time isn't needed...h said well no not really not now.
so I am still at a loss...h's words..actions..tone etc...do not convince me that he is committed...I do not know if I should go talk to the lawyer...I mean really what harm can come of it..with the execption of pressure to persue so as not to get trapped in the whole ugly divorce bit where people start moving money around and hiding things trying to get out of paying what is due...
I don't see that my h would do that...especially being so concerend with doing the "right" thing. he will always give the children more than is needed..and as long as I am at home caring for them I will be provided for as well...that will change once I work...I will be expected to pay for things..(what an incentive to go to work huh?)
anyway...I am at a loss...I don't know what to do...keep the current appointment or simply call and postpone it??
I really wish that life didn't get so complicated...if these issues had been addressed before ow...before h's leaving and asking for a d...it would be alot easier to handle...
