MLC Interruptus?

[In4Ride2]

2moro,

For the last hour or so I have been reflecting on why I can deal with the sit sometimes and at other times I'm paralyzed with hopelessness.

I have decided that it's only when I am optimistic that things will work out and that I have a plan to work with, am I able to focus on positives and myself. When I force myself to face a 'reality' that hasn't happened yet, I have a meltdown.

So delusional or not, and I remember telling myself I was delusional every other day when I was dbing last time, for my own sanity I'm going to be optimistic.

So here are my positives for today:

1. H made contact for the first time since he left a week ago. Contact was friendly and H showed some concern about my well being. I think I was lovingly detached.

2. Although my PMA was down for most of day, I handled a couple of things more calmly at work today than I normally would.

3. My boss said I seemed upset lately and asked - I told him, since he was aware last time. He said he was afraid I was quitting, and that I was most important employee to him. He understands sit, he left his W three times during their M, and they're still together (wacky but together). I have started setting boundaries at work.

4. I didn't start smoking again.

5. Added oil to car, like I've been trying to remember for days.

6. There is no OW, as far as I know, and I'm pretty sure about it.

7. Presume H is lonely because he wanted dog.

8. H was thoughtful while here - took out trash, left out computer disk where I could not miss seeing it.

9. H is not moving more of his belongings over to apt.

10. H seems to not have told family or even his closest friends that he has moved out.

Wow, I feel even better - this is something that I already knew was SO important last time, don't overlook the positives. And how much more you learn when you write it down.

So delusional or not, fool or not, I'm going to do what works for me and lets me get through the day. And I'm sure there will be plenty of people (not you guys of course :)) who will think I'm crazy. So be it.