LImbo - I can feel the exhaustion in your post...you really have had a tough time. I can so relate to the OW in close proximity. You have been going through this for a long time - enough is enough.
Hang in there! Retrouvaille is 1 week away! I'm clinging to it too - can't wait to compare notes!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I feel that way, I just want to not have to go through life without worry, just normal worry, but not is my life going to implod at any moment...It has been a year of this constent worry!
H came home tonight, and brought up about him working back at the old place, we didn't go to deep but it was a start, he alluded to us sitting down each night and talking for short periods about this kind of "stuff"...so if he is making the attempt then I will work with that...but I am so not trusting of this kind of stuff, but I am trying!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Well 5 days away from the retro weekend...and I will be suprised if we make it.
I almost blew it on the weekend, H has just not had alot of intrest in me since we came back from holidays. It got to me and basically I said to him that he doesn't desire me anymore. He got mad, said why would I think that? I said well I don't know, maybe because you don't touch me, and you keep going back to ow. So he then said there is no point if I think that, and there is definately no point going to the weekend. So I left it at that, later that night he apologized to me and said that we would still be going. Why do I keep doing these things, maybe I just don't want this marriage, or maybe I am just trying to stop myself getting hurt again, who knows!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Natural to not want to be hurt again. Defense mechanisim, it is hard, don't know if he deserves a chance, but if you want your marriage stay the course. I know it is hard, every day I want to hug and kiss her and I want her to put her ring on but she doesn't. But you need to find a way and deal with it! I know you can do it, but you are hurting, maybe you should go to an IC also if you aren't already. Once you actually forgive him if you didn't give it a real chance I fear you will regret it. God Bless
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
He does hold me and kiss me, but the total connection doesn't seem to be there...and it just adds to the already large list of worries. I have always thought that I have forgiven him, but i think that there is alot of unresolved issues, I hope that maybe on the retro weekend we can work through some of these..
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
From what I understand it is about renewal, letting go of the past and starting new. After all that is what we do when we seek out another. Makes sense to do it with the people we have a family with. I do not see it as a bigger risk than entering the "dating scene."
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Well I am going to certainly do what I can...but sometime the dating scene doesn't seem so scary! Because if I meet someone new, then they will be focused on me and making me happy...for the most part I know...whereas the man I am with now doesn't seem to really want to...so is it a case of better the devil you know then the devil you don't? I will see how things go this weekend and go from there I guess
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
So H kinda confronted me today...I basically told him that I do want the marriage, however I just don't have the fight let that I used to...and that if he is or planning to back to ow that he needs to let me know, so that we can both just walk away. I also said that for some reason that I don't why but I seem to be trying to sabatoge things, I don't know if its because I am trying to push things to see what happens or what. He then said that maybe i want him to leave, I said that I don't. Also he said that he is hoping the the retro weekend will help things...so that is a positive.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
That does sound like a good honest exchange. The weekend will be coming soon. Please post to us after and let us know how it went for you. I expect that you and your husband will enjoy it.
