LL, Thought I'd come here and check you out! Sounds like you have made a lot of progress. By now, you have figured out that our sitch's are the opposite. W is with OG this week, but we get along great when she is home. No touching though, and differnt bedrooms.
You are much further ahead than I am. It sounds like you are being too cautious. Are you afraid if you start showing too much affection, it will ruin everything? It sounds like H is trying, and you should be his best friend and help him more. Is he home all the time now, except for work? From a man's point of view, maybe you need to lighten up a little. Don't think I'm comming down too hard on you! (sound familiar) Hang in there, Tony
Just checking in on you. Definitely follow through w/atty (I assume it's a free consultation right?). Sometimes you need to take drastic steps to get things moving in one direction or another. Your H has obviously responded. Remember, 1 meeting w/atty is meaningless. I don't think it's a slippery slope unless you make it so.
Quote: ...if we can keep going in this direction (less the threat of my filing) then all will be well and we will be a couple to envy...can h keep the momentum going...can I keep hearing his language?? time will tell...
LL,
some thoughts:
YOU are going in the 'right' direction now (was that a goal?) -- How will you know IF you can keep going in this direction without the threat (another goal?) UNLESS you remove the threat?
IF your ultimate goal remains the same AND you do go see a lawyer --WHAT will be your 'threat'/action next time? IMHO YOU got the desired response AND you are moving in the right direction right now -save the ammunition...
What if you gave his intent the benefit of the doubt and told him you cancelled for now or got resheduled way out (a couple months) and then see what happens?
Quote: What if you gave his intent the benefit of the doubt and told him you cancelled for now or got resheduled way out (a couple months) and then see what happens?
excelent idea...but since the appointment already got pushed back from friday to this tues...I wonder if it keeps getting put off will it not bother him anymore...or is the fact that I actually did call proof enough to him that it is something I WILL do and follow through with if he doesn't stay an active participant in the r...now active doesn't mean all peaches and cream every day..but simply letting me know w'sup and not leaving me to wonder what his distance is all about...that is afer all part of how we got to where we are...h's thinking everything will just go away on it's own...h stonewalling me when I try to talk because he simply doesn't have the "right" answer..h is seeming to realize that any answer is better than none.
I think you should still go to attorney..but don't let them talk you into something..or try to make d seem glorius..I work with them all day..I sit in court and see a lot of them draining peoples retirements..seriously, they like to stir you up and make you mad then you get mad at your spouse etc....just remember that you and your h are still in the "honeymoon" stage of piecing..there are bound to be the days when you both will wonder why the other seems mad, sad...distant. I wonder if too many times when couples get back they try too hard to make sure everything is right..just be your new self and have fun doing it. Sue
well let's see....put kids to bed..was looking forward to doing nothing more than sitting on the couch w h and falling asleep...sitting by the fire...h on phone with fil then mil...h comes to fireplace says...so I get to talk to c (used full name of c) tommorow...aks the directions again..then I realize his apt is not til wed..remind him of that..he says doh! would have known as it's in the sched..so I say since you brought it up...where's your head? h says...look LL, I'm committed to trying to make this work...I just get frustrated some times...went on to say that he's still trying to find inner piece...
really didn't say a whole lot...
yes I should be celebrating the fact that he says he's committed to trying to make this work..
honestly...I could have done without the "look LL," and I could have done without the "exasparated" tone (i said it was neg..h says it was exasparated) he used...just seemed so damn negative...like I'm doing this because I have to...I don't want to...but I will...
anyway..so I am now frustrated...don't really feel much like cuddling on the couch with my h...want to go out...or just wait til he falls asleep there on the couch (wich should be by the time I return to that room) and go up to bed myself.
I am going to the lawyer tommorow...I will not be persuaded into taking any action that I don't feel needed. I am not doing this to push h into anything...if he wants to be married and do the work he can..if he doesn't he is more than free to go...
I don't know what it is h is seeking...we all have a certain amount of inner piece that we are searching for in this horrid world of ours..but I don't expect that my marriage is a reason for my lack of inner piece...it is simply an itch.
h said...it used to be so easy...I asked if he meant when he was a kid? h said no...not even refering to his teen years or his twenties...I don't know to what time h is refering.
h cannot tell me the things that I do that frustrate him..but to tell me that the fact that I want to be in his head does..gee h if I didn't feel there was a need to question your feelings I wouldn't need to be in your head..if you'd volunteer something of yourself once in a while maybe I wouldn't want to go there.
I know h will never be as expressive as me...(hell most people aren't) I know h will never talk as much as I do..or understand feelings and people like I do...I wouldn't expect him or anyone else to...all I want is for h to let me know him as I let him know me.
I don't know....h is frustrated and can't tell me why..it frustrates me and that also frustrates h...when will the circle ever end...or should it just end...h eventually has to broaden his world to that of "life" and not just the work world...he started to do that but it was with ow and not me...he took that to mean he was not to be with me..but came back because of a type of love he did have for me...I don't think that love will be enough...I am not an old woman...I do not live in 1950...I live now...and I want to share and be shared with.
Quoting lostlove: I am not an old woman...I do not live in 1950...I live now...and I want to share and be shared with.
I am so sorry about the frustration, and I know what you mean by that.
Quoting lostlove: I know h will never be as expressive as me...(hell most people aren't)
I am not sure whether your H would change into the way you want. Heck, you are not even sure if such a guy would exist or not, are you? If that is the case, is it a reasonable expectation?
So what else is bothering you that caused this agony?
Quoting lostlove:yes I should be celebrating the fact that he says he's committed to trying to make this work..
Even this could not be enough for you?
I know that I am not validating your feelings now, since I can imagine how frustrating it can be after going through WAH and now your H cannot express his heart-felt ideas, perhaps an apology or a reassurance to you. But to what extent are you promoting this connection you expected? Has he been belittled or unappreciated before he walked out? Have you figured out what you want and asked about it?
The bottom line: I see a lot of good signs from the interactions between you two. Your H did not have to try; your H did not have to go to C; your H did not have to take your sarcasm for his forgetfulness. He is there willing to take as much as a guy can take. If anything, please give him the credit and take the hugs he gives you each day. That is a start.
Sorry if I am offending... I guess I am just very passive-aggressive tonight... sigh. I'll stop posting on people's threads for now before bothering more people...
Great news Definitely keep the apt. Maybe take more seriously that your H has trouble identifying his feelings, and thus is in a tough spot when it comes to sharing them. This is a problem of mine. It is very hard and frustrating. Maybe try compassionate understanding about this problem? I know, you've been compassionate, loving, patient beyond measure. Maybe a tiny bit more? Acorn
LL, Bought "Five Love Languages" today, read it 30 minutes, and thought it was a waste of time and money! A few days ago, I got "what Women Want Men To Know" and am getting a lot more information from it. You should get it for your H. I wish I would have had this book a few years ago then maybe I wouldn't be dealing with a WAW.
Thanks on the tip my thread. I just have to pretend that she is really visiting our D and nothing else. Also get it out of my head that it is taking her 50 hours to make an 8 hour trip
Definitely keep the apt. 