During the separation sometimes my husband would be very close to me and other times extremely distant. I think this may even be more pronounced when there is S involved because of the strong feelings it can create.

Yes, OW is like a drug. It's extremely difficult for them to cut off the relationship and I think you have a good analogy there.

To me is sounds like you are doing well and have a good outlook. And you definitely sound like a huge 5 carot diamond while she's merely a silver of glass off a cubic zirconian.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.