Quote: I kept thinking of this scene you described. I understood that last time he did this, it was about OW. But as you sensed OW is getting out of pictures, what is this all about?
well I'd tend to think that part of why before he left he was spending that time throwing shoes by himself was thinking..mind you this was done before I found out about ow...before dd was born...after discovering ow..h was trying...I didn't know enough to shut up and accept the changes they frustrated me..this may or may not have lead him to once again seek ow (if he ever infact did try to stop contact...which I'm not sure of)
when he first started comming home...his wood chopping was needed...well not for wood for this year but he is a landscaper and does work with trees...so some trees from msc. jobs...were delivered here by his workers so he chopped them...a way to keep in shape...
I figured his wood chopping yesterday had something to do with the lawyer appointment I was suppose to have yesterday...and infact I did ask him why...he had skipped getting his truck washed once again yesterday because in his words he just felt like hitting something...said the neighbors must have thought him to be nuts..out there in the cold..diggin through snow to get to frozen logs whacking them with an ax just to loosen them up to be able to bring them to another log where he could cut them with the ax to then throw them into a pile of snow...
in part he was doing it because he wanted to do something physical..the season will start soon and he doesn't want to be out of shape (the man has never been out of shape in all of the 14 years I've known him...to have his matabolism!!) I did ask him why he wanted to hit something..and that was his expenation...I then asked if part of it was my appointment..he said ..maybe a little.
he then asked about it...if I had cancelled it...I let him know that it had been rescheduled..he asked who would be watching the kids..(as if he would attempt to watch them so I could go)
I know he doesn't know how he feels...I know he's confused..I know he must question whether or not he and ow were meant to be together...he will not say these things but I am not dumb.
that was why I explained my thoughts on her to him...not saying she was a bad person..but the things she was/is doing with her life show ...well gee folks what does it show?? maybe these things simply make h feel bad because he went to her so he's just as bad...no she's been doing this for years..one ea after another...h was just one who really got sucked in...
anyway it's not about her or the r he had with her..yes it does add another twist...gee I have these feelings for her..how can I love and be with LL when I feel for ow??? simple accept that r for what it was...if she's leaving her h for the cocamami reasons she gives then she would have left you along time ago if you were her's.
whatever with that anyway..
so h called...said he's on his way to the carwash (we'll see if he actually get's it done this time) and then he'll be home to chop some more wood (I know partly he does it simply because he enjoys it) I let him know I'm taking the kids by my moms to see her and great nana who's visiting but that I'd prefer to take a nap...he said ok well I'll leave you alone tonight...I said really...he said ...well not really...hmmmmmmmmm...(does h have to be in constant threat of losing me to be interested in me???) asked if he'd put the kids to bed while I took a nap and then we could play darts or something...he said "I always put one of them to bed" (which is for the most part true..at least since his return anyway) we'll see...
