I have a spare minute...back from D3's dance class, the kids had dinner and are mellowing to blues clues before bed. big day tomorrow, the twins start preschool. and back to therapy with me...yay!
in spite of that enthusiastic and heartfelt yay, I find myself brooding. playing back all the ways h has hurt me over the last 6 months...the lies he's so easily told, the games played, the carelessless in which he has treated me and our relationship. I keep thinking of all the ways he fought to keep her...the things he did to keep her from dumping him. and the fact that I was willing to settle for the smallest hints that he might still want me.
damn, just melancholy tonight, I guess.
I guess I want to know, is there really any chance for saving a marriage after what ours has gone thru? the affair was bad, and I think if things had been able to be worked out earlier on, before the lies and deceit built upon each other, maybe then there would have been a chance. but thinking back to all that I have seen and all the ways he has treated me, and I being foolish to think he could ever be an honest, upright man again? that our marriage could ever be something good again?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
