I have been around people who get absolutely *mired down* in all the reasons why they had the worst childhood ever and how could anyone ever expect them to behave better than they are.
My first reaction was to think there are two things going on here… One is that in what you describe, no one is validating one another, so each is pushing his pain to the front to try and get sympathy. It is a competition to see who’s pain in more important. This can be cured by validating and really acknowledging each other’s pain.
The other thing I see is a deflection for each person to not have to work on his/her issues. Simply saying “this is how I am, damaged beyond repair” is just an excuse to avoid responsibility and face the hard truths.
That victim philosophy just skeeves me out, so yeah, I'm sensitive to it.
Are you sure this isn’t your deflection to push aside the needs of the others so you can keep yours in sight?
If you beat the crap out of me because your father beat you, it's not about me, but I'm still just as bloody .... If that makes any sense....
I’ve heard this too as an excuse to not become vulnerable and to maintain walls…. Just another deflection.
