You trusted him with her, b/c you know that he loves her, and is a good man - he is a good father. He just doesn't have the same parenting skills now, and is not in good space to be that. He may in the future. You gave him the benefit b/c you saw the love he has for your D. You assumed he had the skills. That is natural, and I would think it was weird if you didn't.
I don't think stepping up and saving your D from herself is DB-killing. I think DBing is standing for what is right in your life, and doing it in a way that is acceptable to all. It never means that you compromise those things in life that mean a lot to you. I think it's the opposite.
Think of it this way. I think anyone would agree that a 11/12 year old girl with an unattentive dad is going to run loose. That's just what kids that age do. You are right to get her back in line.
Remember the times when you were in MLC, and raging at your H for doing things to save the house (after the storm), and other times....he didn't back down to you. He kept on doing what was right....taking care of teh family and home.
You're doing that now. He will rage, and so will your D, but one day he will see that you did it for the greater good, and b/c you truly are a great mom and W and caretaker.
