.... but that seems different from interacting with her from the position of "poor dear, she's just a scared little girl who needs love".
No, this should not be done or she falls right into victim mode. MrsHD is already in that role and needs to get out of it. But it is two different things to play and victim and to be emotionally hurt. Playing victim is a form of manipulation. The NMMNG book explains that well, and it applies to women as well as men.
The wounded child concept is different. The point of this is for the hurt person to realize that much of what they feel is a result of injury, that they are not bad, but they need to accept this hurt and process it. The steps to work through this are the same as the AA 12 step method. This is not the same is playing a victim. I think you are confusing the two.
