"Every time I think it's going good, I'll spend a day in hell trying to make her happy like a child, granting her anything she wants. "
"I am probably the most sensitive, affectionate, old-fashioned, lovers, but nothing seems to work."
"It seems like I have become a live-in spiritual guru, trainer, motivator, therapist, and court jester, plastic model husband."
"She's not threatening to walk out, and reassures me, but she always mentions she wants the happy cloud feeling she had with A-holes from the past, even though she knows they were horrible to her"
!RED ALERT!
You sound like a really really really nice guy, that's not a good thing. Go get "no more mr nice guy by Robert Glover" as soon as you can. Your wife has issues, you do as well.
My first question is knowing what you know about your wife why did you choose to marry her?
