LL, honestly, I feel very much the same way as you. Like you, my W and I met when she was 15 and I was 16. The first couple of years were great, but then after that...until today, most of the R work has been done by me. I've been the "rock," so to speak, thoughout the years, while she's done the funky WA stuff. Heck, she was a WA(G)irlfriend when we were 18, then came back after a year and went WAW on me in 2001. Should've had a clue when I was 18. But you know what, I think you pretty much summed it all up, as follows:

Quote:

I will allow h to make his attempt to change his ways...I do see some small changes but there is a lot of growth that needs to occur in this man...

I've been waiting for so long that starting over with someone new would be just the same as what is happening here...
My point is that everyone has evolved here. You've never been happy with your R, and you really realized this by your H having an EA (possible PA). He has not really evolved, but now, maybe with all of this crap going on, he's going to. Maybe the "shift" is beginning only now, LL.

I think of our R's like a building. Years ago we built our R with our Ses, but we built it on a poor foundation. So, the frame of the house is crooked, the windows tilt slightly, the floor creaks and the attic leaks. When there's a heavy rain or earthquake, the house is damaged, but can never totally be repaired because it's built on a poor foundation. So, what to do? Well, we tear down the old house and rebuild a new one on top of the lot we already own. We need to begin with the foundation, but this time, we need to make sure everything is level and plumb.

So, my point? Jethro-Vila says we simply need to rebuild a new foundation for which to base our new R on. There's little choice...and I think your H may be trying to fulfill some of the needs you have mentioned to him. Sex may just be the beginning...then comes the intimacy. Thing is, and I never ever thought it was this way, but I think men feel more intimacy than women when having sex. He just might think that you feel the same way he does...especially when it's something you asked for...

jethro