my fear... though things seem to be turning a bit...that we will simply end up right back here again. seems to be the pattern...I pull away...h persues..with chit chat etc..affection..it becomes sexual...I keep distant and unsure or uncomfortable with it..once I give in and am comfortable with it..h pulls away...first with the affection...then with the sex..then with the chit chat.
well day 4 of h's seeming to once again try...
I went out last night...was going to go to the movies with w of the friends up here (h's high-school friend) but instead went to the house (the in-laws live there) and played board games with the family..then to the friends side and hung out a bit...(her advice don't give in to the sex) when I was leaving..h started kissing me..really kissing me not just the obligatory peck. I told him I'd be home later (son was still up and dd just going to sleep) he said so I'll see you later too...well I stuck to my guns and left...when I got home at 11 h was asleep on the couch...had been surfing the net at football and weather sites (I do wonder if that's just covering up for something else he's looking at?? but don't know how to tell) h at some time in the wee hours did make it up to the bedroom...and did try to be physical..I was half asleep so didn't notice (wasn't really there?) then got a bit annoyed...so rolled over and just cuddled him..he seemed ok with that..I was after all asleep.
so this am I wake with the kids...make breakfast (pancakes and sausages) have son call h to eat...h comes down ...checks the puter...then sits rather coma like..then eats..goes off to take his shower...kids and I put their laundry away and vaccuum the bedrooms...h get's ready to leave...I get the obligatory peck..tells me he'll call to let me know what's up. (I did mention that I like when he calls me and tells me what he's doing with his day)
I am awful confused...I don't know what to do about the sex issue...I don't want to reject him...don't want to hold it against him...but I don't want to fall into the same trap we've fallen into so many times before..things go great...we both consider the other...getting along...being friends..h persues physically...I reciprocate and then slowly back to the distance???
