Quote: but it is not that he sees himself as not being capable of doing these things in a r...it is that he sees himself not able to do these things with ME.
At least he's capable, LL, which has been a concern of yours. So, now he has to make the decision and the commitment to really work on YOUR R. As you well know, this is no different than many others on the BB. Many of the WASes that come back feel this exact same way about the OP, or don't feel a certain way about their Ses.
Can you not approach him and say, "If you're really trying to work on things, and I mean really trying to work things out, then the first thing you need is information about people in our situation so you can see that we're not alone. Then you need information on how to overcome what we have gone through. There's hope. It's not easy, but it's definitely possible."
I know he seems apathetic, LL, and you're getting tired having pretty much reached your limit. And I agree that for your R to work, then he has to work on these things, and work on them with you. If he's ready to go to C, will he be ready to take this step?
In terms of my last post, I was simply trying to point out a possible dynamic. Over the years some things that were originally not too important in our R become very important...either because we never got "that" something from our S, or that our feelings have simply evolved and we feel we require it. If, over the years, you have told your H that you've been unsatisfied with your R because of this and that, then he might feel as though there's nothing he can do to fix things, as you will never be happy. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that it "is." If this is the case in your sitch, then maybe if you changed that dynamic, wiped the slate clean of all expectations, then it would be easier for both of you...
And yes, you should have expectations in a healthy R. But we know when piecing we have to be happy with what we get and try not to get down because our expectations are not being met. I am completely guilty of this myself.
