I think part of our problem has been that in most marriages, one partner or the other takes on the role as the "primary caretaker" of the marital relationship. In our case, NEITHER of us ever did, we're BOTH huge conflict-avoiders, and so no one was riding herd over it.
I believe Cobra and others were discussing this a few threads ago, that a relationship betwen two avoiders will eventually fall apart. I have more of a pursuer type personality, but in my marriage I became depressed and avoidant. By the time I woke up, it was almost too late. Now that I am happily back to myself, I have to be careful to not over-pursue and to give my H the room to step up. It's his choice to change his avoidant ways and do that kind of work, and the miracle is, he's doing it!
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We now that that our personalities are what they are, and so we're BOTH just going to have to work at this, and then SPEAK UP when the see the other start to slack. We've made a sort of a little "contract" with each other to do just that, and I honestly think if we had just done that before, we wouldn't be at this place.
Excellent! it takes work and change, and it takes time. I have gotten to a better place, but I am still not really able to trust that things will continue this way. I guess I just need to keep working on me.
