Can someone plleeeease help me? I don't even know if I'm in the right forum or how to post right. I'm in a totally backwards situation. I just found out about DB and it makes sense. My situation is unique because the W (newly weds for 8 months) says she has never felt love except for once in our very short engagement, but we are catholic and she is committed to marriage so no divorce. But living like this is HELL. She has severe depression and past sexaul issues, and she hates herself, how she looks, and says she doesn't feel love period. WHere do I even begin to go from there? I am probably the most sensitive, affectionate, old-fashioned, lovers, but nothing seems to work. How can someone tell you they feel nothing for you and just turn their back on you in bed? I profess my love, do everything, and basically baby her. I think codependence on my part. Am I driving her away with too much smothering? I'm just dizzy at this point. Every time I think it's going good, I'll spend a day in hell trying to make her happy like a child, granting her anything she wants. Then she'll get all mopey dopey at the end of what any other woman would view as the perfect day of being catered too, and says she's not good enough for me, and I should be with another woman, to which I reply, "Of course not, you are my equal, I love you and God picked us for each other and I'll never leave you."
I don't understand how to implement DB methods in this instance. She says she doesn't love me and I am doing all the things an ideal husband should be doing, so am I supposed to stop doing all the loving things and ignore her to make her somehow love me. It would seem counterproductive.
She's not threatening to walk out, and reassures me, but she always mentions she wants the happy cloud feeling she had with A-holes from the past, even though she knows they were horrible to her. To me it's like the classic case of self-hatred, self-loathing (there are eating disorders, too); like she's locking off being able to love and feel love.
