Anyhow, what is killing me recently during this Fing sitch is me running around taking care of OUR house 24/7 and for some reason expecting W to say, "wow, you the man!". Not likely so why do I do it?
I hope you're doing it because it's important to you, and possibly because you didn't do it before and you're showing W changes (though it sounds like this is textbook CVA). Expecting her to do anything but notice is setting yourself up for disappointment (eventually resentment), though. Do it for you and your kids or stop doing it. Getting your own bigger place should help loads with this.
Originally Posted By: CVA
She actually used this once as an excuse why I make her feel powerless. Well, get off your ass and do something before I get to it, that would be nice!
A good friend of mine could've written this, and your W (and her H) have a point. Her H (and your W) aren't super high-energy like you are. She took a page right out of DB (can't remember the section) regarding this, and stopped saying anything to H about getting things done, just thanked him whenever he did any little thing. And you know what? Her H started getting on the ball---nothing like she would've liked, he didn't have a temperament transplant or anything---but it motivated him to do some things far better than her asking, nagging, or complaining would've. And he also began appreciating the things she did more.
It's so easy to get into this cycle where you're keeping score---you do so much around the house and with the kids and she only ____ (fill in the blank). You know this doesn't do a thing for your PMA, your R with W, her attitude, anything. Can you take in her feeling of powerlessness and reach a point where you really understand it? If you can, I bet you'll be able to make some changes you haven't yet that she'll appreciate.
Someone mentioned it's impossible for alphas to do the 180---what are you supposed to do, stop taking care of business? But that's not it. You can start showing appreciation for what your W does do (I bet you can make a longer list than you think right now), start asking for input where you'd just forge ahead before, show her that her thoughts are important to you, let her see that just because you're effectual doesn't mean you don't need her (or wouldn't like her in your life).
It might be more difficult since she's halfway out the door, but that makes it all the more important.
CVA, what's up with the internal meltdown at the movies (that you mentioned on my thread)? What happened, and how are you feeling now?
