Jethro,
What you refer to are expectations. We build history in an R. With that history, we develop certain expectations. Expectations for how our spouse will act, how they will react. Some of these expectations are founded in truth. Some are founded in fabrication. As our attitude becomes "more negative" as in a struggling R, our expectations become more negative as well as unrealistic.
I had to reach the point of giving up and letting go of hope for my R before I could open up and accept this idea. Zeroing out the expectation meter allows us to experience the good things that happen.
When you say "it's not enough", it's the expectations talking.
I'm not saying we should not have expectations. We should! However, they need to be realistic and need to be based on the truth of the current situation. This means they may need to be zero for a while.
Like the weather, feelings change. Like the tide, love flows. This process allows us to see the difference between love and infatuation as well as understand the meaning of "for better or worse".
I can see that LL is weary. It's natural as this growth process is very draining. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to do less, think less, worry less. For me this was a hard task. Even after Michele looked me in the eye and told me so.
I'm not here to tell you what to do LL. I'm here to reassure you that you know what to do. I'll also reassure you that it's the hardest thing you may ever have to do. It may also prove not to be what is best for you.
I will recommend this to you. When you are this weary, you need to take some time and get away. Alone! Time alone helps to heal our own confusion. It allows us to regroup and refresh our Karma.
Imagine yourself sitting on a white beach sipping your favorite beverage. Your only concern is where you will go for your next meal. The biggest question is do I take the windjammer cruise or go diving on the reef.
