LL, let me ask you something, and please don't take offense. Do you think your H walks on eggshells around you? Is it possible that over the years you've accumulated a huge list of needs that have never been fulfilled that it is entirely too intimidating for your H to handle? That all he sees is a daunting list that can never be fulfilled?
I understand all too well about the water under the bridge syndrome. Like you and your H, my W and I were highschool sweethearts. I think this is unique in our sitches because those immature years are delicate. As such, R failures way back then (during that immaturity) set a tainted foundation in which to build a healthy R. Heck, my W still brings up stupid stuff that I did when I was in highschool! Both of us have been with our Ses through some significant life growth points: boy to man, girl to woman, man to father, woman to mother, etc. I think very often the crap from way back ends up festering and feeding the crap that's accumulated over all of the years. So, what does one have? A big pile of ##%^! So, what we need is a big pooper-scooper to clean it up.
My point? Is it possible for you to "erase" the slate for now (use the pooper-scooper), forget about all of the past indescretions, start your R over in effect, and ask him to give you the top three things that would make you feel better? Just say, "H, there are a lot of things I feel I need for this R to work, but here are the top three. If you do these three, then there's hope because I know that these will lead to three more, then three more...and so on..." At first they may feel "unnatural" to him and you, but with work, they will likely become more natural. But I think in order to do this, you have to try and let everything else go...for now...
