Just catching up on this thread, and a couple comments.
Yes, there are men on this board who left without having someone to go to. BUT these were men whose wifes were having the affair, or some other problem situation (drugs, etc.). And they separated themselves from the situation. I think you're right that men (at least the men who get married) DO want to be in a relationship rather than be alone.
As to your bigger question, whether to ML with your husband or not, I do think it's completely different when there's a *known* physical relationship outside the marriage. You seriously need to consider your own health as a separate issue from whether you will get your H back by complying or denying.
Go to the county health dept and pick up every brochure on STDs that they have. Read them, then leave them out where H can read them. If he wants to ML again, you will have to ask him whether he uses condoms with OW, and if he says yes then you have to decide whether to trust his word. Or, just insist that "as long as we don't have an exclusive physical relationship, he's going to have to use a condom."
That's just the facts. If that turns him off, too bad. And all this assumes that you decide that you DO want to ML with the cheating bast@rd.
