fter golfing with OM (which she didn't tell me about prior) she tells me that they had kissed again and she realized that she wasn't having as strong feelings anymore and she realized what she has with me. Looking in her eyes it looks like she's starting to come around. But seriously how much should I believe her since she's asking me basically to trust her feelings. I'm really tired... is this BS as well?
I'm tired of her staying out and using me as a babysitter. I'm tired of her bragging how honest she is but failing to mention she's going out with OM and covering it with a female friend. I guess if she said that she plans on not golfing with him anymore would mean a lot more to me than she's loosing interest in him.
She does seem to be sincere this time but I don't know if she really is or just became a better liar. I'm so damn tired.
What do you all think?
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Do you believe her? That is what matters! Do you want to trust her? Then trust her, she is honest about seeing him and kissing him! Why would she not be honest about the rest? Just a thought! When she stops telling you, that is a bigger issue.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Do I believe her? No, not fully. Do I want to trust her? sure. do I? Not anymore than I would trust a stranger at this point. See that's the thing with selective honesty intertwined with outright lies it makes it very hard to believe.
I agree if she didn't say anything cuz affairs thrive in secrecy but she's also been saying less and less about it. So either she's hiding it better or thinking about it less. DBing says I shouldn't bring up R matters so I'm left guessing and starting not to care so much.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Exactely, don't bring it up, could very well be dying its own death. Let it die, I understand you not trusting her. Fix what you can, hope for the best. I think you sitch sounds very promising.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Trust takes time to build. You mention you are tired of being a babysitter while she goes out. Don't you sometimes go out too? Get together with guy friends? I used to be a little resentful of my husband going out. But rather than trying to stop this, which he would have resented, I decided to GAL, go out with friends and have my husband babysit once in awhile. That's not saying I went out dating, or made up lies about what I was doing... but I try to go out with friends, bookstore, take classes, etc...
If you have a great life going you won't worry so much about what your wife is doing, and if she is in some pitiful situation of flirting with some guy on the golf course, there's a good chance she'll eventually realize how ridiculous and shallow it is and tire of the whole thing.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I do go out but heres the key difference it's not on a date. If she want's to go to the mall w/ some girl i could care less. Has never bothered me; but if you're gonna sneak off with some guy at least get a babysitter have some decency.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Everytime I GAL no matter how big or little it is she throws a huge fit before and after. I posted on this before. I know I'm not supposed to worry about her reaction but it almost seems like more of headache than its worth. I hate being in this cage and lately thinking more of D than DBing.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Nobody likes to be stepped on and it seems you feel like your being trampled on. Tell her exactley how you feel, about the going out thing. Tell her you deserve downtime as well. What is good for the the goose is good for the gander. Just make sure before you "go off". You have thought this through, sounds like she wants you, but now you don't know if you want her. Understandable, I see more and more of this on this board.
The question becomes, why do it then, if our WAS doesn't want us why try, only to find out we don't want them! My point is aren't you doing this for your all. Your kid (s) and you.
Set some boundries and if she violates them and you want out tell her. Try not to get too mad though, it hurts I know, she can act the right way. I don't know if she will, but she can. This is a perfect example of why the divorce rate is so high.
Some believe it is easier to start over than fix what is broken.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
