If I am the one?

[thegoodfight]

Well decent weekend, other than physical illness that seemed to come out of no where on Sunday. We talked the way up to my parents and the way back. Both initiated by my W. she is worried, wishs she could lock up in a vacum and come out in six months to see how she feels.

Commented again on how great things were for the last 3 months and how she is worried that will change after her "final" decision is given. She asked what I worried about, I told her I worried about her and S. and me. More specifically teaching lessons to our S. that we ourselves don't seem to practice. My mom always subtly brings it up when we are there, I can only imagine how my W. feels since it gets on my nerves also.

My W. indicated again on the car ride home she is 99% sure she is done but just wanted to wait a little while longer because she doesn't want to make a mistake since this is a huge decision. Did not say much other than I thought that was prudent. Did not talk about it at all Sunday. Spent the bulk of the day taking turns watching S. and getting chores done.
If I don't initiate a hug then it wouldn't come.

Debating whether or not to stop hugging her at night before bed. Sometimes she holds tight other times seems uncomfortable. Not sure except I might try to refrain from hugging but continue to offer compliments and niceties when warrented. Thinks I am being "extra" nice so she will change her mind, that bothers her, she said so. My reply would you prefer I just acted business like, she said no. I said enjoy it for what is worth. I don't challenge your decisions, so however you want it to be it will be. She said I don't know how I want it to be.

Well back to the fence! Penance is just great! Rather be on the fence than on the other side right now though.