But along the 'box' vein... could it be that you have your own box you put Mrs. Cobra in?
I would say that I had her in a box some time ago but tried to get her out of that box about a year or so ago, maybe even longer. The change for me came about with counseling, reading, posting on this board. Taking someone out of the box can involve a certain amount of faith, IMO.
For my wife, seeing me in a different way really meant giving me the benefit of the doubt which meant lowering her defenses, which meant she had to risk being attacked. That is why I think it was so hard for her to do this. Her past precluded her from doing so. She knew no other way. From what I could tell, that is how she seemed to think everyone went about life. Everything is suspect. When I did something particularly nice, instead of feeling gratitude or relief, her suspicions and stress levels actually increased.
It does not make sense. It took me a long time to figure this out and try not to react to it. That was my part. Her part was to stop trying to create a self fulfilling prophecy.
ETA Is that rhetorical?
Rhetorical, but I'd like to hear your answer anyway.
