This is very true. And time can help. But it also helps to see the new R/M as having the potential to be better than ever. That takes a lot of conscious effort on the part of the LBS but it can work. I think part of our pride gets in the way and of course resentment, but our S's cannot change that in us. Only we can manage those emotions. If we don't, the M is probably not going to make it.
LfL,
I think this is SO true, and I try to live each day very aware of this reality. Although I will not, and DO not, share blame for my wife's poor choice regarding her affair, I do take responsibility for the condition of my marriage. And PRIDE was a BIG part of that. I just got to where I was like "fukc it; she knows where I am, I'm not going to beg." That was poisonous, and reckless.
I also naively believed that if I just "was a good guy, and worked very hard," that everything else in my life would miraculously take care of itself. That was a very immature attitude, and I now realize that EVERYTHING takes effort -- my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my finances -- EVERYTHING.
