Quote: That urge to be the "provider" is very powerful--and successful ones really are more attractive in womens' eyes. But guys, just being the "physical" provider is only the tip of the iceberg.
h is learning this the hard way...expressed last night and other times that he thought that was what being a good h and father was about..but is realizing it is not..he wants to be there for the kids..realizes that simply being here is not enough for them...they need interaction as do I. that even though it is enough for him to just be here it is not for them (was mostly in reference to son but obviously more) and therefore is not enough for him.
when I met h (we were young so I don't know if it makes a difference) h had nothing...actually our first date was at my house and I paid to rent a video...second date we went out to dinner and h had a salad because he didn't have enough money...it was never about money or gifts for me..when h did start his business and started having money I was lavished with gifts...was spoiled at christmas and on birthdays etc...it wasn't what I wanted but hey I didn't complain.
I always said to h..even before we were married that he worked to much and didn't have time for us..he was working for our future so we could have a good life...my phrase was always..."I'd rather live in a shack with you and be happy than live in a castle alone" funny that for a bit I did live in a castle alone (but with my children)
h is realizing there is more to it than that...he is struggling with keeping the desire to give more than that. I don't fully understand how h feels..probably because he doesn't either..but I do understand..hell after all there are days when I want to be with him and days when I don't...some times I want to cook and clean and other days I don't..we can't be "on" all the time...h's "on" time just got to be less and less and now he doesn't know how to use the switch.
anyway...I am hopeful but not doing any dances just yet...time will tell.
