My wife's withdrawal is starting to get much better; the first two weeks were pretty rough some days. I think she's had a harder time dealing with the loss of her job (she had to quit due the OM working there, for "no contact") than she is with the loss of her relationship with him. After 22 years of staying home with our kids, the job was a great source of pride and indpendence for her, and she knows it's her own fault she screwed that up, and now she's having to deal with the consequences of those poor choices, and it's hard -- and even humiliating -- for her.
Yes, it is very sad -- and concerning, actually -- that many HD spouses and betrayed spouses have to threaten separation or divorce in order to get their LD or wayward spouse's attention. Trust me, we could NOT afford the $6k in legal retainers that it cost us, not to mention the emotional damage to us and the kids, but some nuts are harder to crack than others. NOP told me that among dozen or more folks he's personally worked with, plus the hundreds more whose cases he is personally familiar with, that my wife was THE most stubborn case he ever encountered!
At least you all now know I wasn't just being dramatic about her.
I have given her plenty of hugs and kisses and encouragement through this, while at the same time not "rescuing" her from the consequences of her actions. It's a tough balancing act, but I think I've really begun to learn to live more in that "middle path" between total supplication and enabling, and total confrontation and dickishness. It's a steadier path, without the passive-aggressive tendencies that I have shown her in the past, and I think it builds trust and comfort in her.
NOP told me that among dozen or more folks he's personally worked with, plus the hundreds more whose cases he is personally familiar with, that my wife was THE most stubborn case he ever encountered!
