well I don't know exactly how to say all that was said but I'll give it a shot..
h said a bit about how he feels we got to this point..does remember me being the most important thing in the world to him at one time..looking forward to seeing me etc..getting lost in his business and not having the desire anymore etc.. h is spinning (his word) h is hurting...knows he's hurt me and hates it...but has to live with it..knows he wasn't honest with me and hates it..is dissapointed in himself.. h is confused about what he wants to do...doesn't know if we can be happy together or not.. there was a lot more that I've lost... a lot of the things h said broght me back to a book I was reading last night (thank you dotto) and everything h was saying about how he felt was as if verbatum.. I had to keep myself from counceling h..(it is what I do..it's my nature to councel people whether they want it or not) when he finished though I was glad to hear him talk about how he was feeling it still didn't make me feel much better about the sit because again he doesn't know what he wants to do..
my turn to talk.. I validate his feelings..did mention the book I had read (and used all my power to not give it to him and say read this you'll see) and that he is not weird or abnormal or anything like that..that he is human an honestly not much different than me. then let h know that I deal with alot of the same thoughts and fears and what not...but to keep my head from spinning..I read..I talk..I search for understanding..
talked about love languages and how I know and am learning to accept h's but that I also have my own that needs meeting.
talked about r's in general and what can and does generally happen in them..
talked about how putting up protective walls and keeping little things from eachother leads to keeping more and more from eachother until you can be you anymore...and that we both but me especially have done alot over the years to cause the other to put up these walls.
so eventually...h is starting to fade....I of course feel bad about that and express it with understanding..but ask so then where are we. what do you want to do. h says well we could start by going to talk to your c... yes you read me correctly h is now willing to go to c. he will meet with him first alone (if that's ok with c) and go from there.
so that is today...h is falling asleep on the couch and now I am faced with do I wake him to come up to bed..or do I leave him there to do as he wants...think the latter is the best..if he wants to come up he'll ask.
I am a bit bummed that after all that talking we both just did...I didn't get a hug..but I understand h has yet learned to speak my language.
