I don't know why it is sooo hard for your H to speak what is on his mind, but IMO he is acting as if he has resigned himself to whatever fate you decide for him. A while back you mentioned a conversation he had with his mother where he questioned why would you take him back. Maybe he is allowing you to do this because it is what he feels he deserves to absolve him from whatever...
I'm so sorry that he is not willing to open up at all in order work on trying to improve R. One last time, I would suggest making a phone consultation here. You had mentioned that they wouldn't be able to help because you have done the 180's, the backing off, etc..., but since those haven't worked, their focus will be on coming up with new solutions. If nothing else, at least then you can have peace of mind that you had tried everything in your control to make the M work and thereby no regrets down the road wondering if you made the right descision to totally walk away.
Whatever you do, make sure it is the right call for you!
(((((LL)))))
'til later, KAW
P.S. Just had a thought, if he is not willing to talk, is he willing to listen. Maybe, ordering Michelle's tapes, and just listen to them by the fire might help bring him around.
