So There Was Nothing #4

[mkultra]

I wanted to look up this complicated issue in one of my Divorce books on my pile. The Everything Divorce Guide states that children will often downplay their feelings about their parents' new relationships. Some children feel their bioligical parents will be threatened if they like the new partner. Children can also feel threatened as though this new relationship will take more time away from their parents. It is very difficult for children to meet a perspective step parent. The book says that children should be taught the difference between love and attention. That maybe their dad is paying more attention to this new person but that their dad still loves them. Love for children remains constant but as we know, attention changes. In order to teach children resiliency we must model how to roll with the punches and deal with changes without panicing. That is on us. It is extremely difficult.

I have had to tell my H I do not want to ever run into him whilst he is actively cheating on our marriage or having an affair. I use this language as he says he is "hanging out with his girlfriend". I let him know that his children will view his betrayal of our marriage as a betrayal of the intact family and yes they do take it personally. I do not attack her, the whore - kidding, I say that he is a sweet man and I am sure he has chosen a sweet person who just lacks morality-zing- and I cannot allow my children to associate with these people. My D6's Therapist taught me that and I stick to it!

Your H has no regard for your feelings and you cannot control him so do not show panic. Your S10 is already so insightful it is scary. They know way more than we give them credit for. Children will hang on to those reunion fantasies. Look at us, so do we. Heck, my parents have been divorced for 23 years and we still hope for a reconciliation! The last time my Dad was here, he stayed at my mom's house and they went gambling together every night! They are better friends now than ever but my mom says she will never take him back because he will never change. But I still think like a little kid and hopethey will get back together before they turn 70!