Thank you Psch - I think you are right I need to accept the fact that he may never return. That is just such a hard thing to admit right now but it is so very, very true. I am going to work on that this next couple of weeks and see how it evolves but I am not giving up the hope that he may come back and I will continue to think positively about our relationship.
I think I need to realize that for the sake of our S so that he is in no way negatively affected by any of this. My main goal in life is for him to be happy no matter what.
Go girl!!!! Thats the attitude - yes its hard, damn I am struggling so hard myself letting the girl of my dreams go, but feeling sorry for ourselves is the WORST thing we can do.
You never know, we both may have happy endings with our partners yet, but if not, the world is our oyster!
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
That is right and I must say that this morning has just confirmed my resolve to accept that he is gone and may not come back.
Today is our S's first day of pre-school. He is so excited. Well we met at the school and dropped him off. He was on cloud nine that little man of mine so happy to be a big boy and in school. Well Grumpy Daddy just stood in the other room. It was so weird and ackward. Then when we were leaving I was crying and he just laughed at me and then we got in our separate cars and off we went. In my worst nightmares I never imagined our S's first day of school going that way. He hurt me a lot this morning so I have realized that I need to just move on. Hopefully things will work out for the best and if the best means we go our separate ways as we did today then that is what it is going to be.
I must say now that I am done crying I do feel this sense of calmness that you told me about. It is quite liberating to say the least. Will it last probably not? I think I am just really mad right now at him but he does not know that so I am still DB'ing up a storm.
Lissie - its progress, it really is. Yes you'll swing between calm and happy, to depressed and sad, but when you feel latter, come back here first and use us, your friends. I'll be here for you. Keep DBing, it ain't over till its over.
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
Thanx Psch - You are agrea man that is for sure. I am a little upset right now but it is just because he did not call or do anything to find out how our S's first day of school went. I would never not know something like that. He is really messed up because that is not something the H I knew would do. Still so very, very confusing. If I am this confused by him I can only imagine how confused he must be.
I must say now that I am done crying I do feel this sense of calmness that you told me about. It is quite liberating to say the least. Will it last probably not? I think I am just really mad right now at him but he does not know that so I am still DB'ing up a storm.
Yeah, I've become very careful of those kinds of statements. Everytime I think I'm done crying or done being hurt or done caring what she does, something happens and it's no longer true. I've found it's more helpful to just press on like whatever it is that was negative never happened. Maybe that's not healthy, I don't know. But I do know that I was driving myself insane before thinking about whatever it was and getting upset that I even got upset about it. So now, I just make believe that things happened the way I wanted them to, even if they didn't. Makes it easier to stay positive and focused on my goals. I don't know if it's working or not but my W almost kissed me tonight when she gave me a hug goodbye. First time that's happened and when I mumbled something about it (I know, bad on me for not letting it go), she admitted to being confused which is also a first. Not sure what it all means but it's different and right now, different = good. Hang in there Lissie
We are all struggling with the same inner demons - on another site a respondee quoted following which I thought was incredibly apt to many of us here....
The Story of Two Wolves
An older Cherokee man is teaching his Grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he says to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is Evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, selfishness, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is Good. He is LOVE, joy, peace, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person."
The Grandson thinks about this for a minute and then asks his Grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee replies, "The one you feed."
We all need to feed the good wolf inside us, and if we do, we'll be back stronger, better, and more prepared for whatever the future holds in store.
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
Alright Psch I may be buying you a ticket then sometime soon.
I love this story. This really helps a lot. Well I am off for the weekend and my best girl friends are each coming up on a different day with their kids so my S is going to have a blast this weekend. I am going to remember this and just keep on trucking. It is amazing how much my emotions swing back and forth on this issue. It is like a huge pendulum that I just can not stop.
Bryan - That is great advice and I am going to try to follow it. I am just going to ignore what is said or not said, what is done or not done and just keep on going. Hopefully I can follow it.
Everyone have a great weekend and I will be back on Sunday to hear how everyone's weekend went.
Psch hang in there I know tomorrow will be tough for you but I know you can do it. I will be thinking of you and sending you strength.
Well I am back from my weekend away> I must say it was very relaxing and fun. It was so nice to get away. I was not looking to see if he was here all the time and jumping at every little noise I heard. I had a great time with my S and slept so good. I do not think I have slept that good in months. I feel like I can do this now more than ever.
I must admit I do still miss him and he did call my cell phone today but I did not answer. He actually left a message which I found strange since I can not call him back as he has no phone. He sounded lonely but then again I am trying to figure him out and I am not going to do that anymore. Or at least not as much as I was.
Good job Lissie - sounds like Florida was fun. Keep the strength, it can all work it really can, you just need to keep being courageous - not easy per my latest threads, but lets keep going.
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
