Hello everyone - it's me again. I am still here, still getting to okay. In some ways I am there but the new normal for me is full of pitfalls and unexpected new experiences that are sometimes wonderful and sometimes painful.
This week has been odd to say the least. Several things: Monday: Got notice that our divorce hearing will be on November 8. This is 3 weeks before the 3rd anniversary of my h leaving home. And one year after we started the mediation process to get the divorce. Poor h, he is getting what he thinks he wants.
Tuesday: a first date, since about 1975. I decided that I could do this b/c I do not think that I want to be alone for the rest of my life. My h has given me no reason to think he will be back. I do not want to wait or stand just based on stats, or myths and though I am still sad, I don't think anyone would think that I am heading for a rebound r/s after all this time. The papers are signed, the agreement is made, we only need the stamp from a judge. Date was not fun. The guy was weird and not at ALL attractive, yet somewhat fun to talk to. I did not discuss my marriage, it is emotional territory and I didn't want to go there now. If I am to date, there has to be a first one. Got that over with!
Last nite: Okay it gets more and more strange. My S23 is now working with the woman who is the sister of ow. It is a long long story - the job was right up his alley so to speak. I know my son hesitated to take this job b/c of my feelings.... but in the end I decided that in the new normal of my life, the best thing I could do was to be supportive of my son. Anyway, last nite S23 invited me to an event having to do with his work - a sort of reception. I invited a girlfriend (GF24). After I invited GF24, S23 told me that my h and ow would be at this event. I nearly cancelled but then took a deep breath and told myself that this is my new life, I must accept what is, and furthermore many of you go to sporting events and the like and have to face this kind of thing. It was the kind of event that suggested getting dressed up. So I did. I even bought a pair of heels - which I have never worn in my life. My GF24 was dressed to kill also - she looks like a model and carries herself like a ballerina - she is about 5'9". My h was there. I had met ow once before (on a subway car by accident about 2 yrs ago - another story), and recognized her right away. Soooo.... it was odd, I looked fab, h looks like sh*t and in fact GF24 did not recognize him. But he is definitely with ow. I think at this event that h could not believe I was there, could not take his eyes off me, and so what. I am trying to embrace my new life as it is, and being a supportive mom is the most important thing in my life even though my kids are grownups. I came home ecstatic after a lovely evening that ended with a nice dinner w/ GF24, and did not cry and weep at all. Yeah me. Guess I am okay.
So here I go... onto the rest of my life.
I am leaving in a week for a family wedding - overseas again, this time to Israel. Will be gone for two weeks including a 3 day stay by myself in Rome. I am one of the luckiest people to get to do all this travel. My sons, dil and gs are meeting me at the home of my sister, along with the rest of my family all except 2 nieces. Even my late 80's parents are coming. There were times in this year that I have wondered if my parents would make it but I guess it will happen.
Travel has been my mlc event - but a balm for my spirit.
