The View From the Bottom

[hopefloats7]

Was2,

After all this time, you want and need something concrete to hold on to. He is not there yet and you don't know if he will ever make it. You don't know if he does make it, if he will be the person you will want to be with.

Exactly.
I really examined a lot of things in the last year, esp. in the last few months. There are hurtful things that happened in my situation (the sexual part of the affair aside) that I will never get past. I know this. I told H this last night, specifically, something that had occurred that made me feel worse than the cheating.
Not to mention, I had to pick myself up and move away from all of that. I'm establishing a new life somewhere else. I'm reconnecting with my family and making up for lost time. I have a new job. I take classes. New friends. If we were to reconcile, the bottom line is I would have to give it all up to go back to live with H...and I am not so sure that I want to do that anymore. He knows this.
I can't help it; these were the circumstances I was dealt. My H has a career that I know he will not give up; thus, he would not be the one moving to be with me, should we get back together. These are facts I can't change now. I knew when I moved away a year ago that it would be like this, but of course back then he was not where he is now in the tunnel (or out of it).

I honestly think he believes I could find a better man. I think that was his way of saying so last night. He knows what a mess he is; he knows it's been 2 years. He realizes how unfair that is to me. But he has nothing to offer, nothing to provide. Better to let me go to find a happy life. That is how it sounded to me.

I definitely will keep posting if I have more contact from him. I know he'll call to check on puppy in a few days. He is still working all the time. I asked him if he was happy at work; was that where he was "ok". He said he was, but it was still reluctant and he blames his jobs for a lot of how he has ended up. I don't think he will ever let up on the overworking aspect; he was like this for years.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and well wishes. I am glad posting about this has been helpful to some. It isn't the fairy tale ending by any means, but I am grateful he actually acknowledges the fact that I am trying to achieve my own closure, and wants to help.