Yep. I hate it when they brush it off as it's trivial. They think the kids will just be fine if we continue to be good parents. Like it doesn't bother them when it's always I with the kids or her with the kids and never have a whole family. She's just feeling guilty. She gets angry and bitter about how everything is on her to decide. Yes I had a choice to not get to this hell hole. But what I did was out of ignorance. What she doing is a conscious choice. BIG difference. And you can't keep going back. What matters is now. Oh well, told her I'll be there for her for as long as it takes to get through her personal problems. Hope that counts for something when she thinks about us.
As the pastor/therapist I talked to said about divorce. The WAS has one set of pain right now. When they choose divorce, they think then end the current pain, but really not only the suffer the shock of divorce, they also pick up another set of pain. The first set can be healed if the couple commit to make the M work. The second set will never heal. Especially when you have kids. You are going to have that wound forever. Most people the therapist worked with that are divorced wished they never chose that route. Also, most couples that work through the tough times end up being MUCH happier later on according to some survey.
My W does think that if we can get through this we would have a really good M. However, the issue is if she can get through her issues. I sure hope she can for her sake. If she does, we will both end up being stronger people and good for our piecing. If not, she's gonna be a mess for the rest of her life and I don't think that's what she wants.
As far as my S goes. I'm really hoping this is temporary.... I'm not going to force the issue with the W. Any time I do it comes across as I'm pushing her and bad things happen. Just gonna shut up and smile for a while.
Oh is it bad my weekly conversation with mom is about 10mins, and with the MIL is an hour? :P Of course my mom just doesn't get it. Keep asking what's going on and how long it's gonna take. *sigh* So much for support from my parents....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
