I, You are going to have some good days and then some downers. It's only natural, but in time, you'll start feeling better more often than not.
There's nothing wrong w/looking at the books. I still do it, even after all of this time. I'm always curious to see what they've written and if it's something that I can relate to today. There is nothing wrong w/hoping that things will turn around. Hope is what will help you through your downers and faith will make you stronger. You are not a fool. You have learned a lot in the time that you've been away and when your emotional balance has returned, you'll know what you need to do.
Be kind to yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
