Hm. So it's easy for you to manufacture 'in the foxhole' responses in yourself to create sexual satisfaction (easy Os), as long as you feel safe in knowing the guy isn't onto you.
Not exactly. I like excitement not fear. I want to be the bold little monkey not the frightened little bunny. It's kind of like I feel more self-respect if I put up a bit of a fight before I submit or surrender. That's why it baffled me when BF first suggested that I might do that sort of thing to "test" a man although I can now see how it might appear that way. Having sex with a man who was so definitely inclined and so easily able to flip me as NG also gave me a new perspective because it was eventually like I would just walk into the wrestling ring take one look at my opponent and give up. So I lost my desire for that and then it was like "Okay, you win. What's next?" and I was just curious.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well, the ending isn't my favorite part of the novel. I think the most romantic scene in literature is when Captain Wentworth lifts her nephew off her back.
It is? *smile*
I've never really been into Captain Wentworth, I admit. He's a good character, not unrealistic at all. Just not my type. (Have you seen the full BBC version of Persuasion with Colin Firth? Nothing short of brilliant). In fact, I don't know which of Jane Austen's men I'd be attracted to. Most of them make me want to scratch, in one way or another. *lifts claw*
I hate getting the feeling that men are attracted to me when I am weak yet I like being pinned down. What's up with that?
I think that's pretty normal. I also hate the feeling men are attracted to me when I'm weak because I'm not generally a weak person, so they would be misreading me if they thought I was weak.
I also know that people who are attracted to weak people are generally covering up for some weakness of their own. Kindred spirit and all that.
But it is nice to be pinned down from time to time. I think it's just a me Tarzan you Jane thing. Basically "get a load of me baby, I'm a MAN" which can be fun sometimes.
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I were feeling really confident about my arousability and orgasmic potential, I could just "let" the man take responsibility for my arousal/orgasm
Yes. Because you don't have any doubts that he won't get you off, because you know how arousable/orgasmic you are and because by now you can ride no hands (even round corners )
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NG was delighted that I made him tarts but it was very hard for me to do it because I view the "cow" part of my personality as very sexually unattractive now.
I think you are afraid to let the cow out these days because in your M the cow was the only one in the menagerie having a relationship. Because that R sucked you don't trust the cow. There is basically nothing wrong with making tarts for someone if that is what you feel like doing. But your H was keen to make sure you kept the rest of the animals in their cages and just made tarts for him whenever he wanted them and he got to tell you whether you'd made them "with love" or not. BLECH! The cow has been milked dry. So the other animals have to be let out to play now, while the cow just munches on some nice sweet grass.
If a guy was good at say playing guitar and he picked up his guitar and sang you a song, you'd be happy and he would too. That's all you did, you just gifted NG with one of your talents. It's fine. Expectations again, it goes wrong when you start making tarts to cheer him up, or ingratiate yourself, or in the hopes you'll get sex. It doesn't have to be the cow making the tarts. It can just be Jenny.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I've never really been into Captain Wentworth, I admit. He's a good character, not unrealistic at all. Just not my type.
Well, I'm not really sure if he is truly my type either. After all, I'm not really Anne. Are you attracted to the Bronte heroes? I have a theory that most women swing strongly one way or the other. I think it has to do with temperament. I usually stay within the warm to cool range so I like the subtle gestures of Austen's characters. Women who swing more wildly from cold to hot prefer the Bronte men. However you don't really strike me as a drama queen so maybe there's a third type of hero you prefer?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I was talking about excitement... fear is an aspect of that, of course, but not the only one...
Yes, I am good at creating sexually exciting situations for myself and the man to whom I am relating. For instance, after my bunny signaled it was okay to kiss me to Teddy, within about 30 seconds I was biting his lower lip and a couple minutes later things had gotten so out of hand he stopped the action and said "We're on a city street." and I replied "So?" Bad, bad monkey getting puppy dog in trouble. That's one of my new zoo rules. If a puppy dog visits the zoo, the monkey must stay in the cage. This rule serves to protect the bunny from getting p*ssed on.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think you are afraid to let the cow out these days because in your M the cow was the only one in the menagerie having a relationship. Because that R sucked you don't trust the cow. There is basically nothing wrong with making tarts for someone if that is what you feel like doing. But your H was keen to make sure you kept the rest of the animals in their cages and just made tarts for him whenever he wanted them and he got to tell you whether you'd made them "with love" or not. BLECH! The cow has been milked dry. So the other animals have to be let out to play now, while the cow just munches on some nice sweet grass.
If a guy was good at say playing guitar and he picked up his guitar and sang you a song, you'd be happy and he would too. That's all you did, you just gifted NG with one of your talents. It's fine. Expectations again, it goes wrong when you start making tarts to cheer him up, or ingratiate yourself, or in the hopes you'll get sex. It doesn't have to be the cow making the tarts. It can just be Jenny.
Yes, that was pretty much the conclusion I came to. I was purposefully repressing my cow which is just as lame as the reverse. Actually, NG did play his guitar for me but he didn't sing because he sings in his head voice and he says it can tend towards turning women off - lol
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Okay, I'm kind of rethinking these zoo rules. I have to be careful to not make rules for the monkey in order to protect the bunny without making rules for the bunny in order to protect the monkey. Participating in somewhat over-the-top public displays of affection is not really going to hurt the bunny as long as she keeps her rubber pants on, right? If all the rules protect the bunny my bunkey will end up dressed in two sweaters and a crash helmet strapped in a car seat in the back of a Volvo watching a Care Bears DVD while munching on carrot sticks and sipping vitamin water from a tippy-cup. Must integrate not subjugate.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
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